Confessions

Sometimes emotions are bottled up inside and you just cant find a word to describe how you feel. I myself is very good in bottling things up and I just cant pinpoint the real cause of my emotions until one triggers it.

Ive found this great site called Creative Women with a lot of them writing beautiful poems, which I realized sometimes reflect how I feel.

I particularly like this one:

Personal AdsBy: Laura Lord

Wrap your arms around me
tell me everything’s okay
Give me a place I feel at home
one where I am safe
So many times I’ve given of me
asked nothing in return
Not so much a choice of mine
but rather what I learned
Very early in my life
people expected of me
But now the scars I have inside
are raw enough to bleed
Not anything I normally tell
all of these childhood fears
The demands of me, constant still
and I’ve grown weary through the years
Searching for unconditional love
someone who wants just me
But all I have ever known
is dependence, fear, and need
See inside this soul of mine
look at what I’ve lived
I’ll offer you all I have
but don’t take more than I can give
So if you already love yourself
and have nothing I need to heal
Then wrap your arms around me
and I’ll allow myself to feel

©Laura Lord

Sem break

Our semestral break is almost over and I haven't even done some serious "vacationing". No trips out of town nor beach for that matter. But then again, i could say that I've been more focused with family now. I Spent time with Papa (lolo), and have his Diabetes controlled by a specialized doctor, and ultimately made him stop drinking beer every night and smoking (every time im with him, at least). I went to market with him, and one time helped with preparing meatballs by rolling the grounded meat in my hands with some flour. It sounds icky, i know, because even while I'm doing the rolling on my clean palm of my hands, I'm unsure if I would want to taste it after it was cooked with the "misua". Curious as I was, I tasted it na rin, and fortunately it went out well and tasty too.

Then came the 7th Death Anniversary of Nanay (lola, and wife of papa) last October 31 and we just attended Mass for her at the Church, and ate dinner with family.

November 1 was tiring. As usual, we went to Laloma cemetery and visited our departed ones. My tito said Mass at the mausoleum and some relatives dropped by to light a candle for Nanay, Ate (great grandmother), and Lolo Joaquin. There was a festive mood, in a manner of speaking during that occasion. Foods were prepared and given to every visitors we had, and some socializing tasks we had to endure. I wonder why we always have to visit on the day were there were a lot of people who would crowd at the entrance of the cemetery. But of course, that has always been the reason, for us to welcome those who would visit the mausoleum and for us to visit the graves of their relatives too.

Exercise on the other hand, has been fulfilled only once. When I was invited by my friend priest to play badminton with them. I did some jogging first like we used to do in Karate, and then some drills. When it was the time for me to play it, I felt so exhausted. Not by playing it per se, but in picking the shuttle cock a number of times. I really suck in that game. My racket would swish upward an inch where the shuttlecock would fall. So i just decided to play hoops instead.

Anyway, back to family matters. I was also able to visit my paternal grandparents in Cainta with Mom. Spent time with them for a while then left. We went to St. Clare monastery in Katipunan to pray. Then went to Greenhills to look for stuffs and Mom bought me a nice blouse too.

Last night, I was bothered with things that I found out. I don't like hearing these things. I feel helpless and doesnt know how to empathized with Mom. I'm not good in giving advice. And I just dont know what could be a good solution for that. I just pray that God would sort these things out, and He would lend us strength to face it especially Mom.