Thanks for the gift of Ham

I went to St. Joseph Chapel at New Manila where the Pink Sisters reside. Their voice were so angelic, that I just have to close my eyes and appreciate the wonders of God and thank Him with all the wonderful things he had given me. I have my family who guides and supports me in all my undertakings; friends who laugh and cry with me; experiences that helps me grow emotionally, physically, and spiritually; and lastly Ham who showed me the meaning of love.

I know that the Valentine’s over, but I still want to narrate how my Vday started to become special. *drums rolling* It all started on February 14, 2002, wherein Ham and I decided to become “special friends”. Yep, just special friends.

From being a fellow karateka at our team, a friend whom I haven’t noticed, not until he and his friend got lost in Makati and went back to the hotel where I had my debut party, talked about interests and stuff, and remembering how I liked to read books, did I started to noticed the nerdy-looking guy. He lent me a book by Sidney Sheldon, discussed the book thru texts, started to go out with him and other karatekas, until we went out exclusively.

Anyway, that day we went to Little Asia, a fine restaurant in QC for our first “real” date. We went to his house and was introduced to his parents. I know it was sudden and I didn’t know that it would start the conflict in our relationship.

Ham and I, are special friends because he was not ready to be in a relationship yet. I know that it should be the other way around but that’s just the way it is. Our relationship is an example of the classical conflicts between two lovers. In modern days, related to Meteor Garden and Lovers in Paris’ plot. We like each other but I do not belong in his circle. We’re more than friends but less than lovers. He was sent to Sydney to study and sometimes I think, to be far from me.

We celebrated our 3rd Vday away from each other. I got insecure and lost faith in my status with him, because I know that long distance relationship is hard to maintain and besides I’m not really an official girlfriend, just a wannabe. I know that he would surely find a girl more acceptable to his family’s standard, and staying away from him would mean a bigger chance for him to please his parents.

I took the first move. I started to comply with my Dad to stop whatever we have because I’m only going to get hurt once he found a suitable girl for her. I opened myself to those who are interested in me even though I am still thinking of him most of the time.

My decision to “break up” with him took us to another level. He hated me for what I’ve done and for misinterpreting his intentions of just a “special friend” status. After six months I wrote him an apology letter explaining my side, for I did not found courage during the first month of "breaking up" with him. He told me with cold words to wait for his arrival on December to explain my side in person and not on email again.

I spent two months of waiting nervously as to how I’m gonna face his wrath. I was praying hard that God would give me strength to face him and explain my side, not to become emotional but rather logical with my explanations.

Butterflies started to fly in my stomach as I got in the LRT. Butterflies flying and hands shaking while in the MRT. Butterflies flying, hands shaking, and knees buckling as I arrived at G4. I wanted to back off but couldn’t.

Eight months of anticipating his arrival, and eight minutes of reconciliation. I still can’t believe how it happened. It just did. I wanted to cry and at the same time laugh at it. I realized that I missed him so much and that all I want is to be with him.

Finally, before the year ends, he asked me if I still I want to become his girlfriend. Oh, I really can’t believe I was hearing it. Right there, at the parking lot of his former alma mater, I said yes.

Our 2005 V-day was celebrated at Netopia, where we chatted for 3 hours with webcam. Cyber date. So near, yet so far… But no matter how far we are from each other, my heart is with him all the time. Cheesy… I know… but true. Thank you Lord for the gift of Ham.:)