Truth potion

I grew up in a family were most of our male family members are the usual "pabling", "chickboy", and a "player" in a MILD sense. Anyway, there's this one rule that I observed from them.. No matter how big the evidence was, they won't ever admit doing it. Is it really the unwritten rule in our male dominated society?

Anyway my friend Doug (not his real name), did otherwise. He told his wife that he had an affair after a lot of investigation from his wife. Now, he's suffering the consequence of that illicit action. Even though he did that to show his regret and remorse, his wife won't ever trust him 100%.

My Inay on the other hand is regretting for ever finding out about the truth with her Asawa. Even with a lot of hints and later on the truth from her sis-in-law. She's happy to believe that her Asawa is one of a kind and wouldn't do such things. But it was fated for her to know the TRUTH. She was distraught and unhappy. Over the time, she regained her self-esteem, forgiven him, and still hopes they'll be together in the end. However, she still preferred not knowing the whole story.

Now here's my big question.. would all girls prefer for their beau to admit their affair or not?

Injustice League

Too much effort has been wasted. Too much time has been spent. Case pres, Defense, Finals. We've stretched ourselves to our limit ha. But those aren't enough to make one look deserving of that "pass".

Sure they had a deliberation, composed of those vicious CIs who like to distribute " violation slips" (which they had a commission for), but... did they really made their part? Did they really put consideration on us students?

Did they really think it over? Those people whom they failed are much worthy than those who got the chance to take the removal exam.

And why did they just screen students now? Why not last year or last sem before we set foot on the last level?

Sure I passed the course this sem. Thank God. But, who knows what will happen next?

It isn't fair. Life's not fair...

time

I envy those who pursue what they really want in their life. Those who happily go on and continue with their life not being bothered with duties and responsibilities. such carefree life is all i want.

everyday is like being in a race, striving to surpass each hurdle present and blocking my way. one hurdle down... and there'll be a lot more to come.

i wanted to give up. i wanted to just explore different things and not be tied down with things that just stress me down. but alas, i wasn't born with so much opportunities that will let me just party and do nothing with my life... and have the luxury of time.

time... ah.. so precious time. I want it to spend to ham, to my family, to my friends. but i've got limited time...

bitchy me

Do i look that bitchy that other women would think im gonna take their partners from them? Hell, i may look like it but im not gonna do that. Im contented and satisfied now with my beau, that im not gonna wander away from him. I just hope their partners would show the things that they wanted to feel so they would feel secure and contented.

impromptu

although i don't like an impromptu speech, i do like an impromptu act. i realized that though my heart is pumping hard on both situations, the latter feels much better.

here's some red wine.. let's drink to that! cheers!

London bridge

My brother just got his UK student visa! He'll be going to London to study and also work, for at least a year. I'm really happy for him, but at the same time sad. It will just be Mom and me na lng at home. That, plus the fact that I'm afraid of being left behind.

Will I ever be stuck here in Manila? Hope not.

too many

there's been a lot of happenings these days and i just couldn't start telling it in a nice way. last sunday ate mi and i invited our friends from deaf ministry, S, R, ate F, and a classmate J. Just ate some dinner had some chitchat and signed with them. got really inspired from them, and how much i would want to be with them in serving God.

went to my best friend's place too and there we shared some moments of silence, and a language that only friends could interpret.

today, i learned 3 shocking news: 1st, a neighbor died. well i don't know who passed away but im certainly much concerned on how they died so soon and just days after another neighbor died (+may God bless their souls). blame it to superstitions, but im still not that at ease with discussions of death.

2nd, a friend of a cousin was admitted to the hospital last night. a man snatched her bag while riding the jeep at 8pm and accidentally took her arm too outside the fast driving jeep. she's now in icu and is scheduled for an operation due to internal hemorrhage. i hope she'll get better soon.

3rd, and the only lovely news than the above, is the marriage of ham's friend. they secretly did the wedding since last year and only told their parents only late may. they are two lovely persons, and im sincerely happy for them... this news plus the fact that it reverted again my feelings into one of awe... primarily because of the fact that they could already decide for a serious matter like that while I cant do anything much.

but then again... life is too short.. i dont even know if i could even make it till 60. so in conclusion... i guess i just have to be happy always and seize every moment in my life.

south wanderers

Just got home from a gimmick. I watched Wanders at Airport Casino with cousin Joy courtesy of my tito who gave us 2 tickets for this event. We were supposed to attend the cocktail party too but due to our hectic sched and given the geographic distance, coming from north going to south, we're just lucky we got there just before it started.

Wanders is a fusion of acrobatics with musical rendition of different genre, be it classical, retro, or the "street drumming". The performers did well on their numbers though some made some minor mishaps, the entirety of the show was excellent. I particularly like the Chinese guys doing their tumblings and swinging, moving swiftly and in a fluid manner.

The performers' bodies arent beefed up, even their arms arent the usual toned with muscles.. and yet they could carry their weight in one arm or just with a leg. It must be really hard work and strict discipline when it comes to practice, and I salute them for having both virtues.

That performance and the fact that me and my cousin were able to bond twice (since we just watched Transformers last Tuesday) made this week really senti for me. It's been a while since I last indulge myself in such activities, and with that I'm really glad... ^___^

Emergency

Watching George Clooney and other doctors at the pop ER series makes my adrenaline rush. However, being in that place yourself and not just the watcher from the boobtube, is quite a different experience.

Maybe it was my fault for not being so attentive during my previous duty there last summer, that led me to an embarassing moment of my life. Being reprimanded in front of other people.... Since then, I dont even want to pass by that place...horrible horrible!

But maybe the stars isnt that good to me then, that my first rotation as a senior was scheduled there (of all places!), and in the PMshift. Not only that, we would still be having another duty there for our last rotation for night time. So then... if u want something, you wont have it, instead, the opposite.

C'est La vie

speech

After going to and fro in Taft, getting course desription for my engltri, I still didnt let my speech class be credited with ms. claus. After all, I already paid for it, I might as well get that opportunity to relearn how to speak upfront and gain the confidence needed for each occasion.

In lieu with that, short presentations such as role playing, pantomime, debate, lecture, and oral speech are part of the requirements to pass the course. So far it's quite enjoyable, too bad plays aren't part of it. I am particularly eyeing on The New Yorker in Tondo if given a chance to do it. Or if not for the class, i want it to become a part of a small presentation in our Church *jst a wishful thinking though*.. That is why im still looking for that script online, but apparently there's none. I guess i have to really look for it in the green archer's lib one of these days.

Or if anyone knows where to get a copy of it... pls pls.. do send me the link. thanks!

Green me

Haaaah! that's it! It's my doing of course. I wouldnt want to spoil his enthusiasm bout his work that's why I tried not to see him and vice versa so facial expression wouldnt matter and an emoticons were ok to fill it up. But in the end, I blew it all!

Grr... no more green monsters please? even if i like green, it's not really helpful to be presenting itself now.

Im really glad that he likes his work and that he meets a lot of people at the same time. It's just the Me who's the problem.. damn insecurities!

A CELEBRATION

Finally... my Hamkin already finished his uni days and is about to enter a new chapter in his life.


CONGRATULATIONS HAMKIN! IM PROUD OF YOU... MWAH

April Fools

I'm really disappointed! Up until now, the packaged I have sent was being held up in Alexandria. I don't know what kind of clearance they wanted. The Fedex personnel accepted the package, meaning it passed their initial assessment. I even gave them permission to open it since it's clearance was delayed in Alexandria. According to the Track, it was already "in transit" to Rydalmere and hopefully by april 2, it has already reached it's destination. But when I checked it again, it was once again returned to Alexandria.

I would accept that they're just being careful, I just hope it wouldn't cause any trouble in the process. If it would be delayed, what can I do? I just hope they wouldn't create much more hassle tomorrow.

I'm starting to lose my patience actually. I still can't compress my file to make it just 100 mb, just enough space for free video hosting. That and me worrying about that package.. too much stress talaga.

I'd better continue this tomorrow morn... anyway.. Happy BIrthday Hamkin! Mwah

ang aking itay

I just had a phone conversation with my Dad. It's been a while since we had a "father-daughter" chat, and I think it's an improvement. He gave me insights as to how I should live life and how to plan for my future. There are some biases of course, but at least we agreed on one thing, that our life is a blessing and we should spend each day thanking the Creator for our life.

Though there are still topics we can't talk freely without feeling awkward, at least it's one step towards that goal.

help...

I felt guilty after thinking too much about my problem. After posting my last post, I was faced with yet another problem that concerns a member of my family.

This time, it isnt just "oh shucks, i gained weight", or "damn, i got another pimple on my forehead", but more like ".... Oh God, please help us get through this."

With that, please pray for our family, we seriously need your support.

Cold Case

I don’t know if it’s the lack of sleep, constant revision in output, or the threat of “backjob” that made our group so tensed and uptight the past few weeks. The defense for our case was finally over last March 8 (Thank God!). We don’t know yet our grade but at least we don’t have to rewrite it from the start (as the usual case in other groups).

However, there are still some revisions and with that, the cold war isn’t over yet, as with the case of R and C. Moods aren’t that good still and it’s between the “mature one” and the “toxic one”. I sure hope it’ll be over soon, I miss the “toxic’s” toxicity in the group.

In a group, be it school related or just in my circle of friends, I am always neutral. I thought that it is a better way of dealing with groups. I didn’t know that a friend of mine was already hurt with that kind of attitude.

All I wanted to do is to for everyone to feel acknowledged. I don’t like odds, I always wanted it to be even. I make sure that everybody’s got a pair. But that didn’t happen last week. One of my friends felt “left out” since all had backed out from the planned activity that day---watching 300.

I felt bad when he walked out on us. I don’t know how to console him, so we just let it be and cool it off. Hoping that the next time we’ll meet it will be over soon and everything will be like it used to be. That didn’t happen. While my friend was ok now in dealing with my other friends, I still get the cold shoulders.

It was only this afternoon that I learned the true reason why he got ill feelings about me. I’m not good in explaining but I hope I’ll be able to explain my side the next time we’ll meet.

3 months

I haven’t included yet the part where I spent my 3 months of absence in the blogging world. Usually, I am online at YM, email, friendster, and in blogspot because I am online chatting with my better half, Ham. But during that time, he was away, not in his flat in Sydney but back in his homeland, yep he was here!

Let’s go and talk about my Birthday month first. I celebrated my 23rd birthday at home, just the usual surprise party planned by Mom and Ate Mi. Ham and I weren’t able to chat since he was having his final exam that time (A very toxic time for him) and moving some of his stuff at his cousin’s place up North. Very busy indeed, but then, I wouldn’t complain on that, not since he SURPRISED me during our Capping and Pinning Ceremony. ^_______^

I didn’t know that he talked secretly with my Mom and was asking question as to how to reach the Sto. Domingo Church where it was held. He even called me the day before, and was telling me that he’s in the train station and was waiting for the “train” that would transport him in the Amusement Park to meet his cousin and nephews. Of course I believed him; he’s not fond of lying anyway.

The next day, during the ceremony, I just couldn’t shake myself from wishing that a miracle would happen and let Ham be with me during that time. The ceremony was nearing its end, and I feel a bit depressed for having wished something so impossible. My cellphone suddenly rang, it was Ham, just asking me where am I and what am I doing, I said “I’m in the ceremony. Why?” I asked. Then suddenly, I realized that his background was also my background. I turned around and there he was standing at the back of the last pew. It was like a scene in a movie! My reaction that time was remarkable, I reckon. He walked towards my Mom and sat beside her. I had to crane my neck just to see him clearly, since I couldn’t still believe my eyes, and couldn’t believe that my Ham was able to pull that surprise-thing perfectly. I couldn’t contain myself any longer and so I dragged him outside and there I talked and hugged and kissed him all at once. My eyes and smile sparkle afterwards especially when I received my cap in the altar. ^____^

A few dates afterward and then he started working part time in a Gaming company with our friend Bri as his “boss” in the Marketing Department. Good thing he’s our friend, and he managed to get the “Big boss” in allowing him to work for only a month due to time constraint in his sched. I managed to fetched him there one time and see how it operates. Imagine my shock when most of those who work there are wearing just shirt and maong pants while my Ham is in his long sleeves folded up to his elbow, and pants. He looks more like the boss actually, hehe, he’s so handsome!

Anyway, that was around December. Aside from Ham’s work, another highlight would have to be the time when Ham arranged a dinner meeting for me to meet his brother and his fiancée. It felt like it was a job interview that I have to pass and get the first impression right. We dined at Kimono Ken just across Little Asia where we had our first real date back in 2002. I just couldn’t speak that much, first off: I had colds that time, second: I just don’t know how to butt-in in her sister-in-law’s stories; and lastly: I was still gauging how to deal with them.

Anyway, after the dinner, I thought I could go home early and rest after that stressful encounter. But I was wrong. His sis-in-law (Cat) invited us for some dessert at Annabel Lee’s. The place was cozy, very relaxing. I actually like it. Still conversing, there I start to talk a bit until we were invited at her place for a game of Scrabble. That time, I wasn’t really that sure if I could play it with sense. I haven’t play that game for real, so I don’t know the specific details of it. Anyway, though the 3 of them are good in putting words and earning points, and I am not, I felt so doomed. But sorry, Cat’s mom helped me in the latter part, and I managed to bag the first place, great! I still believe in the beginner’s luck. ^__^. That night was stressful I must admit, but I managed to enjoy it, and hope that somehow I was accepted by his bro and sis-in-law even for a bit.

By the way, Ham gave me two guinea pigs this time, Boo and Gab. Boo already passed away. He only managed to live for a month. Good thing Gab is still warm, fat, alive, and coos like a bird up until now.

January was the most toxic month for Ham. That was the month wherein he toured Bora (again), Palawan, Bohol, and Bacolod for some diving spots and finding nemo. Lots of underwater pictures were taken and they were mostly good, different kinds of fishes, shrimps, and a shipwreck. It was also during this time that he had to practice his song for his lola’s 90th party, and writing the speech for his bro’s wedding.

Finally February came, though I was invited in the wedding of his bro, I couldn’t just go there and attend. It was a Friday, and as usual, our Evaluation exam. I couldn’t let it pass. The night before the wedding, I felt happy and yet sad and jealous for Cat. For finally, she’s gonna be formally a part of their family. I on the other hand, is clearly not welcome, and it would be a Mission Impossible if I would insist myself to them. Oh well, that’s another sad part of my life.

During Ham’s last night here, we dined and watch movie with his friends at Rockwell. It was quite memorable since one of his friends was having a hard time in the matters of the heart. His friends are quite amusing actually and I understand now their personalities. He wasn’t able to extend his stay here and still needs to fix his PR stuff in Australia so he really has to go. He was here for 3 months and we spent most of our time together with some quality time… what more could I ask for?

Crazy for you

I’ve been meaning to at least update my blog for the past 3 months but I cannot put everything that happened and organize it to one concise post. Now, everything’s been piled up and I don’t know how to start.

Ok, I’ll try this way. At the moment, I just had my duty at the National Center for Mental Health. For other schools, the duty should last for 4 weeks. Ours, specifically our group only had 4 days. It wasn’t enough to fully have an interaction with our clients but it is enough to see that there a lot of people who needs understanding and therapeutic means to console their needs.

One of the highlights of that exposure (for me) would have to be the self-awareness activity, which we had before meeting our patients. It’s about expressing our genuine feelings and just being true about our life and how we feel about it. We had to draw a figure of a man and put symbols, words or phrases to symbolize our answers to a particular question (e.g. for the head region, draw a symbol of your God given talent, for the right eye, draw a symbol of who you are right now). I was the first one called to interpret my drawing. I am a bit confident with my work since it’s just trivial and I know how to express it, but what caught me off guard was the part when I had to tell bout the person who’s responsible in my life, and reversely, who I am responsible with. It all started with that question and my CI inquired more. It had somehow touched a sensitive part in my life which I thought I am over with, but tears just welled up in my eyes and I just have to pour it all. It was hard telling it to a friend, and admitting that kind of situation, all the more it was hard to tell it to a group of 12. Unexpectedly, I felt so light after sharing it, and somehow realized that I am still accepting everything that has happened. I am still in the process of accepting everything that changed in our life. And I have to be strong for them.
oeHowe

Another experience was interacting with our patients who are mostly schizophrenic. Mine is mentally retarded. He’s nice and behaved, only he got this separation anxiety. He had a fight with his fellow dorm mate during our last day there just before he went out of his dorm. We didn’t do much during our duty there mostly therapies such as Remotivation, Music and Arts, Occupational, Culinary, and Biblio therapy. We weren’t able to talk much with them vis-a-vis.

The last one was the tour in the special ward. We went to a pavilion where most of the male patients are naked whole year round. Most of them are regressing, so they are either curled up in a fetal position or naked. If they are not doing anything, they would either play with their thing, or kiss other mates, and then play with their thing. According to our CI, it’s their way of releasing tension and stress. The window between the ward and the nurse’s station were full of the byproduct of their past time, and the stench, incredible (even though they bathe everyday).

The next ward consists of chronic patients who are either violent to themselves or other patients, so a restraining bed or chair is always at hand. Most of them are shouting and they are mostly the kind you would not want to get near you because they are unpredictable. But of course, just like everyone else, they have the right to get the necessary care to treat their illness.

There is also the ward for those who are 18 and below. There are the female wards of course, both pay ward and charity ward. We weren’t able to visit the forensic male ward where all those who committed crime, yet who claimed to be crazy where put into.

ECT or the Electric Convulsive Therapy was another thing. We were able to witness and assist the patient as they go about the therapy. It was both an interesting and scary thing to witness. However, it’s something that would help their anterior frontal cortex to open up and receive brain waves better so they really have to undergo that procedure.

Lastly, it’s all about all meeting up with my friends at quarter to six in the morning and gather up at boy-okoy’s car that would transport us to NCMH, eating the excess food for our patients, imitating some of the model patients there like the “Converted One with the Power of the Twin Rats”, the “Debater”, or the “Best in Chat”; the Socialization we had in the end along with the games that come with it, and of course our “Itaktak Mo” dance, no matter how crazy we all look like.

In the end, we realized that some of them are really smart and that they need to be treated just like an adult and not as a kid who only knows grade school stuff. They need caring and understanding and not just to be the laughing stock. They are also human and that we must respect them as one.