Numb

I'm afraid I am not a career person, I blurted out during breakfast. My Mom, as usual, has gone berserk and was pointing out how my Dad is working hard for us to get a good education, our "luho", blah blah...And that we owe it to our Dad who chose to be away for us to live comfortably. She mentioned about how in-a-way disappointed she was when I studied again after graduating from my 1st degree. I cannot reiterate what she had said. My conscience is gnawing at my insides, for I know that I should have been working right now and not depending on them for allowance, for school, for movies and gimmick...

Lately I have been feeling lazy in studying for my lone subject this sem. I missed one meeting just so I could attend Neil Gaiman's book signing (but I don't regret this) and failed 2 short quizzes. I'm a bad bad student, and this should be stopped.

My younger cousin, Geri, is looking up on me. She dresses up like me, choosing green instead of pink as her fave color, posing on cam like me, and acts like me. Her mom, Ate Mi, even encourages me to in-a-way influence her more, and I feel that I am not worthy of that kind of appreciation.. If only they knew how much pressure they are putting on me. I have to be the ideal role model for my cousin. I mean I like Geri a lot. Even if she's just 10 years old, I love talking to her, I love bringing her on Starbucks, I love knowing things about her. She's an intelligent kid and I want her to be what she wanted to be. I have made mistakes before and I don't know if I won't be able to commit more...

I'm afraid of what the future will bring... I'm afraid of my weaknesses...