Confessions

Sometimes emotions are bottled up inside and you just cant find a word to describe how you feel. I myself is very good in bottling things up and I just cant pinpoint the real cause of my emotions until one triggers it.

Ive found this great site called Creative Women with a lot of them writing beautiful poems, which I realized sometimes reflect how I feel.

I particularly like this one:

Personal AdsBy: Laura Lord

Wrap your arms around me
tell me everything’s okay
Give me a place I feel at home
one where I am safe
So many times I’ve given of me
asked nothing in return
Not so much a choice of mine
but rather what I learned
Very early in my life
people expected of me
But now the scars I have inside
are raw enough to bleed
Not anything I normally tell
all of these childhood fears
The demands of me, constant still
and I’ve grown weary through the years
Searching for unconditional love
someone who wants just me
But all I have ever known
is dependence, fear, and need
See inside this soul of mine
look at what I’ve lived
I’ll offer you all I have
but don’t take more than I can give
So if you already love yourself
and have nothing I need to heal
Then wrap your arms around me
and I’ll allow myself to feel

©Laura Lord

Sem break

Our semestral break is almost over and I haven't even done some serious "vacationing". No trips out of town nor beach for that matter. But then again, i could say that I've been more focused with family now. I Spent time with Papa (lolo), and have his Diabetes controlled by a specialized doctor, and ultimately made him stop drinking beer every night and smoking (every time im with him, at least). I went to market with him, and one time helped with preparing meatballs by rolling the grounded meat in my hands with some flour. It sounds icky, i know, because even while I'm doing the rolling on my clean palm of my hands, I'm unsure if I would want to taste it after it was cooked with the "misua". Curious as I was, I tasted it na rin, and fortunately it went out well and tasty too.

Then came the 7th Death Anniversary of Nanay (lola, and wife of papa) last October 31 and we just attended Mass for her at the Church, and ate dinner with family.

November 1 was tiring. As usual, we went to Laloma cemetery and visited our departed ones. My tito said Mass at the mausoleum and some relatives dropped by to light a candle for Nanay, Ate (great grandmother), and Lolo Joaquin. There was a festive mood, in a manner of speaking during that occasion. Foods were prepared and given to every visitors we had, and some socializing tasks we had to endure. I wonder why we always have to visit on the day were there were a lot of people who would crowd at the entrance of the cemetery. But of course, that has always been the reason, for us to welcome those who would visit the mausoleum and for us to visit the graves of their relatives too.

Exercise on the other hand, has been fulfilled only once. When I was invited by my friend priest to play badminton with them. I did some jogging first like we used to do in Karate, and then some drills. When it was the time for me to play it, I felt so exhausted. Not by playing it per se, but in picking the shuttle cock a number of times. I really suck in that game. My racket would swish upward an inch where the shuttlecock would fall. So i just decided to play hoops instead.

Anyway, back to family matters. I was also able to visit my paternal grandparents in Cainta with Mom. Spent time with them for a while then left. We went to St. Clare monastery in Katipunan to pray. Then went to Greenhills to look for stuffs and Mom bought me a nice blouse too.

Last night, I was bothered with things that I found out. I don't like hearing these things. I feel helpless and doesnt know how to empathized with Mom. I'm not good in giving advice. And I just dont know what could be a good solution for that. I just pray that God would sort these things out, and He would lend us strength to face it especially Mom.

photo shoot

It was my tito's (Fr. Erick Santos) birthday last August 20. It's just the usual birthday mass and program for him afterwards. Some of his friends were there, and they gave him gifts, lots of it. I was able to come up with a great idea only after his bday.

I thought it would be great if we could give him the updated picture of us, his nieces, nephews, cousin, and yeah grandson na rin.We were able to do it only the day after his bday, good thing it was a holiday, Ninoy Aquino's death anniversary.

The original children of the house are: Me a.k.a Kae (panganay), Alee (actually his cousin), ER, Kim (my brother), and Joy. The next batch are: Geri, Tintin, Alj, and Matthew (the grandson: ER's son).


L-R: (standing) Kim,Joy,Alee, ER (at the back), and Kae
(sitting) Matthew, Alj, Tintin, and Geri.

I hope he liked it. I like how i was able to come up with that idea. kikay tlaga noh?

Thank God it's Monday

Today is such a wonderful day! I was able to pass my paper on time. I finished doing it at 1am together with Ham, who patiently waited for me even if he’s two hours advance in Sydney. I know he was sleepy na that time (3am), but still he waited for me.. thanks ham.

Oh, and I received a letter from him just now. No, not just the usual email but rather a snail mail. Yep, I did tell him once, on chat, that I want to receive a card via the snail mail, I didn’t know he’s serious bout it though. Oh.. I really love my Ham. I miss u all the more.

Look how gorgeous the card is….

Busy weekend

I was glad that the week was over. Since Friday after my exam at 7pm, i was rushing from one place to another.

Saturday morning, the same thing. I woke up and bathe in a rush to accompany my mom in a wedding then back home to supervise my kid cousin and our kiddie friends in baking a "Yummy banana bread" and cleaning after them.
At least after the wedding, I had the chance to hold the flowers and walk on the red carpet... just daydreaming.
Cute nila noh? and in fairness, sarap ng banana bread!


It exhausted my energy that after the mass, while still on the meeting I just dozed off. Sunday was a bit lethargic, just visited the relic of St. Therese at Sto. Nino de Tondo and went to the mall with Mom to print all the pictures in my 3 memory sticks. It took me 792 pesos to print all 132 pictures. And finally, at night time, I had the chance to talk with Ham who was away during the weekend to visit his friend and cousin. I am glad that we were able to settle the problem and did some compromising.

Monday, I'm glad that the government announced there'll be no classes today due to a storm. I was supposed to be in the Philippine Orthopedic Center for our duty this week, instead I stayed home and sleep and read Sandman. It in a way, recharged my depleting energy. I wish for more though...

stupid love?

I hate it when both of you do that. I'm fully aware of how you feel for each other, and it just confuses me more to see you like that. Make your own decision, he already made his own. Dón't worry too much on your image, you did a good job in building it. People won't judge you, just don't let her hope for nothing.

Samu't sari

plain busy with nursing...

I finally experienced handling patients. I did vital signs taking (the basic), bed bath for my post-op patient with some nursing intervention on her distended abdomen, and perineal care to a medical patient. It was fun really!

This week is more of lectures and ill be in school the whole day. Tiring...

Anyway, that's just the way it is.

=============

Last weekend though, we went to Laguna and Tagaytay to locate a good place for a teambuilding. We didnt find one that will suit our budget and needs. However, we were able to bond with our new found friends. Our grandparents were friends back then, got separated thru time, and now rekindling the lost time through us children.


(L-R) Ar-jee (my crush), Eunice (14 y/o cutie), and Joy (my dear cousin)


Gay love

===================

Oh btw, during that time, Pacquiao had a bout with Oscar Larios at the Araneta Coliseum, I think. ANyway it just brings back a very sweet memory, for I had watched Manny's game last January with a very special person.

===================

Also, Happy First Anniversary to my brother Kim and his gf Karisse! NAks! It's Kim's first time to have a long and serious relationship. I'm happy for them. ^__^

I miss my ham

Everytime an ericsson fone rings, I think of you.

Everytime someone mentions ham, I think of you.

Everytime Baboy oinks "I-LOVE-YOU", I think of you.

Everytime I enter my room, I think of you.

Everytime my heart beats... E-lubb-dubb-E... I know my heart beats for you.

All new

It's always gratifying to reward oneself after a good work out.

Like last night, I had my 20-minute cardio on the treadmill and a 5-minute cycling. After which, I just contented myself with lounging on the locker room before I went to steam room. I know that it's not much but considering the time, 7pm, it is the worst time to be in the gym. The equipment I want to use wasn't available, the group exercise wasn't appealing either, my favorite locker was occupied, and my best friend Mai was doing some overtime work with her boss.

Good thing, Mai invited me for a coffee...or rather frap after her work and after my "work out". I wasnt prepared for it and i only had 200 bucks in my pocket, hehe. Mai bought a chocolate cake for me and and an oreo cheesecake for her. Really nice... She went home with me. Thank you Mai!

Finally she saw my newly painted "room", my new notebook, and my new brother.^____^

I had a nice time with her. I hope we could do it again with Grace.

Chess at Lucena

I accepted the invitation of my bestfriend in college, ai, to accompany her in Lucena, Quezon for the Open Chess Tournament. It was the only time I got to see her play, and she's good ha, eventhough she just came from her 11-5 shift. She only got to sleep during the bus ride since the tournament started at 11.

I am not a chess player so eventhough I was there, I can't analize her chess moves. During the middle part of every game she had (total of 7 rounds), I would be strolling the mall, or playing hoops and race car at Quantum and Worlds of Fun. One time, I scored 67 pts that's why I had the bonus round. The bonus round was bad, I only got 24 pts since my right arm cramped.And there was the time when Ai finished early, in-between the rounds, so we had a time to sing at the Videoke booth.

They all won in the tournament, and Ai bagged the Top Lady Performer Award. They all got money as a price. They decided to celebrate it in Nawawalang Paraiso Resort. We spent the next day attending the mass, buying ingredients for our meal and for some pasalubong, cooking the food, swimming, and playing billiards.

(L-R) Collin, Kuya J?, Aileen, and Coach

We stayed at Coach Randy's house with his parents for two nights. We were thankful that they warmly welcomed us and we had lots of food to eat since collin (other chess player) cooked so well. There's also this one guy which I forgot the name but he also played in the tournament, he assigned himself to be the dishwasher for that trip. Cool, I didn't do anything. ^___^

Ok.. 44% now..

animated Coraline

Last year when Neil Gaiman was here, I chose 2 books for him to sign. One is the Sandman 10: Endless nights and the other one is Coraline. I gave the signed Coraline to my favorite cousin Geri, hoping she'll fancy the works of Gaiman too. But alas, she's too occupied with her Archie comics, Kzone mags, or Disney channel shows to even bother reading it. Anyway, I guess i can't force a 10-year old girl into reading what I like.

Then, I read Gaiman's journal. They're actually working an animated movie for Coraline, to be voiced by Dakota Fanning as Coraline and Teri Hatcher as the Mother and the Other Mother. Yey, I'll watch that with Geri. Let's see if she won't still be interested after watching it.^___^

Taken from www.neilgaiman.com/journal

Keeping myself awake

It's 3 in the morning and im still here in front of the PC typing this blog, trying not to fall asleep for I finally had the slot to DL from megaupload. I've started around 230, and it's only 19% finished atm. How long will I stay up awake? I dunno.

But i need to this before classes start again, which will be next week. On the 13th, we'll have the Revalida and almost everyday will be like hellday, unending lessons and exams once again.

Boy, ive got lots of stuff to do as planned such as: clean the room, finish Stardust, work out everyday, accompany Pa for a check up, visit clients, watch movies, Powerbooks day at greenbelt, and organize pictures (for i haven't printed yet my copy of the BORA pix).

24%.....

daily horoscope

Here's my horoscope for today courtesy of friendster:

A chance to get closer to your goal will require you to put in a public appearance.

uMM... it's quite funny actually.

Tonight, my cousin and I were invited to dance and sing in front of the Community, so the "will require you to put in a public appearance" part coincides with that.

However, the part "A chance to get closer to your goal"... duh! The reason why we're going to be in front is definitely NOT OUR goal.. but to the people involved in managing the choir.

They're hoping that this certain woman would "go down" or to leave the choir since she committed a lot of hmm.. violations which she profusely denied. According to them this woman wants the attention of everybody in the choir and she feels superior with everybody in the group. That irks the leaders and they somehow use us to achieve this scheme. Savoring me and my cousin too much attention and giving us important part in the group which the woman solely had before we came.

Haaay... it saddens me, to be used in a situation like this. But im giving myself time to know more of the community, to see its other sides.

Hmm.. I wonder what will be in store for me tomorrow...

Free download

Waaa! I can't download the Sandman files from Megaupload. It always says that the 100 slot available for the Philippines are currently in use. As for the Badjojo file, I only got one volume from it.

Ham learned about the sites when he was talking with his friend. Buti na lang he's also interested with The Sandman. But I can't chat with Ham at the moment because he's watching XMEN3 with Cameron... Haay...

Helf! anyone... pls helf me.... *o*

The right turn

I went out last night, just so I could refocus my mind. Tomorrow will be the last examination for our summer classes, and I had a hard time concentrating on the scientific names of parasites. I decided to go back to where I used to study during my college days... in the South Conservatory, to get some inspiration. It was getting pretty late but it's fine with me. I always feel safe when I'm inside my former school, and besides my house is just 10 LRT stations away, I could be home in 30minutes.



Since there were some students lingering in the conservatory, either studying or chatting quietly with their friends, I can't help but reminisce those good old days. I remember myself and my thesis groupmates discussing our theory regarding the grass roots organization in Ireland, or that when I sat there either studying or just day dreaming, and realizing that I really had fun back in College.



I can't help but compare my situation now. A question curiously popped in my mind, "Am I doing this right?"... My batchmates are either abroad doing the job they've studied or those who stayed here but shifted to another field. Nevertheless, they are still working, while I am here studying again. I am retraining myself for a different field, hoping that someday I will gain more experience and more opportunity to improve myself.



Thankfully this article provided the answer to my question. It's a bit long, so I won't post it here nor restate it for fear of losing its essence. ^___^ But it really made me feel better, knowing that I'm not alone in my struggle. Try reading it! ^__^

Going Back

I have been an active member of a religious organization during my younger years. I served as a lector during mass, and a member of the Legion Of Mary. I attended mass religously and confessed my sins almost weekly. I was a practicing Catholic.

Things changed when my Lola, our great influence to being conservative and religous, died. My usual active participation dwindled as I became busy with school and extra curricular activities.

I know that God is there and He still loves me.

But I'm not doing anything.

Ideas came pouring on me, like the first rainfall during summer, and with it came the spiritual questions that tries to seek some answer, explanation, and justification. I tried to be the usual good Catholic during my college days, but it's different now.

There's a void now that can't be filled with any material things.

I know that I'm missing my Father...

I know that God is missing me too...

But I'm not doing anything.

Now, I was invited to a Catholic Charismatic Movement. I didn't promised to be all loyal and cooperative for the group, but I did promised to observe and give it a try.

Now i'm doing something, I hope it'll last.

Nudity

The word itself presents different meaning to various people. I guess it could be the background or the popular media itself that made it a touchy topic or scene for some. I, for one was raised in a “conservative” family. I didn’t regret it though, but somehow my perception changed as I aged. I don’t know if it’s bad for me to like it (based on theology), but I like it.

I initially stumble with Nudity As an Art as I was searching for photographs in livejournal years ago. It really was an art and not just the usual porn, as it’s the usual case when the word pops out from someone’s mouth. I found out that a body is really unique and presents beauty in itself, especially those of woman’s. I like how the photographers come up with unique ideas on how to present and enhance what women possess. That of course originated from Western countries, and no matter how our country develops, our being conservatives ( being a Pinoy) still prevail.

One example of that was when my Mom, her friends, and I went to a Spa. That particular spa is popular with other Asians. They dragged me there because they want to show me how those foreigners walk barenaked in the locker room, in the common shower room, in the Jacuzzi, Sauna, and Steam room. It’s big deal for them. It’s probably the teachings during their era. Anyway, they don’t have a choice but to strip as well, oh except for the disposable undies they bought there since they can’t afford to see each other’s southern part. Later on, they get the hang of it.

That notion didn’t actually prevail me that easily. Of course, I too got embarrassed if anyone could see my body other than my mom. But as I got addicted to a massage, I realized that I shouldn’t be ashamed of it, the light in the room was dim, the masseuse is a girl and isn’t interested on my body, lastly, it just feels great.

Another Nude haven would be the locker room in the gym. I’m not being maniac or anything, but it just feels good seeing girls celebrating nudity no matter how their body looks. Mai and I would stay in the steam room or sauna after a vigorous work out and women would sometimes come in wearing nothing. We on the other hand, would be a bit conservative, so we wear something. ^____^

People should try nudity even if it’s just in the confines of their house. Wear just boxers or undies as a starter while watching TV or washing dishes. If you’re more comfortable with it, go naked. Just be sure you’re safe and free from the prying eyes of your neighbors. It’s liberating…I guess…^___^

Spot the difference

---------year 2005-----------

---------year 1999 or 2000-------------

* I'm wearing the same sandals...^___^

Bookworm just a bit

A friend of mine wants to borrow any book from my collection. I haven’t paid any attention to what I got over the years, so it was a good chance to “visit my old friends again. I don’t have lots of books but it consists mostly of fantasy and science fiction, I wonder why.

I got interested with books during my grade school years, the time when my Dad would prefer to keep us inside the house than to play taguan pung, patintero, shake shake, Pepsi 7up, or Langit lupa with other kids. He would bring me hardbound books, from The Elves and the Shoemaker, Aladdin, Sleeping Beauty, etc. I found that reading books could actually pass the time and keep me company. Then I shifted to Sweet Valley Kids, Twins, and High.

Nanay (my grandmother) saw what kind of books I was reading when she tried reading it, and since it has some kissing scene, I guess that what urged her to introduce Hardy Boys and Nancy Drew to my interests. I did in fact like it. We usually hang around Goodwill bookstore in Carriedo to buy bargain Hardy boys and Nancy Drew which only costs around 5-20 pesos. Cool, isn’t it?

That phase continued until high school years. Then when I got in College, I read other genres from the influence of my one of my best friends, April. Because of her I had a crush with Harry Potter even before it got popular. I got interested with animes, Jrock, and most especially Neil Gaiman. I fancy award winning novels and graphic designs.

Aside from her, the one who influenced me into reading what I have now in my collection is none other than my boyfriend. Our relationship even started from a book, one of Sidney Sheldon’s. From then on, I got curious with him and his interests---books. I then started reading Terry Goodkind’s Sword of Truth series and now I’m finishing David Edding’s.

My old book collection is now in my cousin Geri’s possession. What’s left are the Scifi and Fantasy books and graphic novels. Hopefully I could acquire more diverse books. I realized that any interests could really start from somewhere or with someone. I’m glad that mine started at home, and hopefully I could pass it on to my future kids *daydreaming*.

Relearning

I had to wake up early at six in the morning, just to make a decision-- to transfer or not. The schedule and sectioning for the summer classes was posted yesterday, as it turned out, only 3 of us among our group of friends who got the Thursday to Saturday class. I felt bad about it and I got scared like a school girl on her first day in school. My friend told me that I could transfer in their section if I could present to the registrar a reasonable excuse to shift my sched, which I could provide since I do have a job.

Then this morning, still feeling sore from the work out the other day, and too sleepy to go out that morning, had to reconsider my reasons for transferring.

I thought of all the things I might miss because I was separated from my friends. The one hour lunch break that we could get to talk and share jokes, the group works, the complaints, and the sabay-sabay na uwi and my music video project. That’s the honest reason that urged me to transfer.

As for the one I conjured, it would be the unknown prowess of my would-be CIs and the crazy workload that might be assigned to us. In addition to the list, I have two appointments for Thursdays which was too minor if you would consider it.

Anyway, the loneliness I felt reminded me of the time before my graduation in College. Dad asked me how I was feeling before my big event and I plaintively said I’m sad. I graduated ahead of my friends and that made me blue and lonesome not being with them during the ceremony. Dad got angry with me because of that. He said that I should learn and be used to being alone. From then on, it became a challenge to me. I tried being brave. From going to the mall, applying for jobs, studying for MA, or going to Bora alone!

Funny how a simple arrangement like this could tick my nerves. I guess I just have to relearn how to do it again.

Getting fit with Tuna

What better way to spend lunch than tasting my home cooked tuna spaghetti. ehem. ehem...

Maybe it's the heat, or probably the absence of doing something productive that urged me to repeat what I cooked for Ham when we were in Bora... My version of tuna spaghetti!

I first tasted it at Ate Kat's condo in Taft. That was the time when we were practicing for the National Tournament in Baguio, and along with that we had to lose weight by controlling the food we eat. I first tried the low carbs diet but it doesn't work well since I became weak during the training. Ate Kat then said to reverse my diet. Instead of eating only protein-rich food, I Shifted to carbo loaded food but still in minimal servings. That's when she introduced the tuna spaghetti. We used the "Chunks in water" to really serve it's purpose.

Now, I cook it for the sole purpose of preparing something that's healthy and delicious for my love ones. I am not a girl who's really adept to doing domesticated chores, but I'm trying. And i think Im doing quite well with it.

Showbiz Talk

I watched The Buzz today from start to finish since I was intrigued with Kris’ wedding. Yes, I like her because she’s an example of how women though smart and successful they are, are still vulnerable in the matters of the heart. But no matter how many times she had fallen, she still continues to stand up and make things right.

In the show, James and Kris finally declared that they were married since last July. Their relationship is not something that everybody approves of. Kris is older by 11 years, and it’s not a secret that her family is not that approved with her husband. Though this is the case, she still trusted her heart and still goes on with it. She cried when she talked about how she wanted for her son to have a more solid future since her son has special needs. It’s good to know that she’s so devoted to being a mom and still manages to become successful with her career. I just wish that their relationship now would become strong and would really last.

Another showbiz chika, is about the upcoming wedding of my tito’s friend who’s an actress and comedian too. She wanted him to be the officiating priest. Haay.. pulos wedding nalang…

I think it’s only natural for us girls to dream about it, especially those who are in ready for it. I know I'm not yet ready so, I’m not picturing every detail of my own wedding. After all, there’s a lot to think of before I get to that point. Career. Family. My future groom. I hope that God would help me be the Right person for that Right person.

For all those who are getting married... I wish you all the best!

Summer heat

The heat is overwhelming; it’s so hard to just ignore it. If I turn on the AC, it would be open till night while we’re using the telly, the PC, and other appliance as well. The electric bills would skyrocket once again and my mom would complain bout it. So ok.. no choice.. ill just take off my clothes… duh…(ewww!)

Anyway, there’s not much to do but to surf the net for porn (kidding!)… I mean for interesting stories and blogs, check my emails, and read my friends updated profiles in friendster (Tsk tsk tsk.. pathetic little creature) if Ham isn’t online.

Like now, he’s having his small birthday party with his friends, so I’m left with nothing to do but write another gibberish in my blog.

Ham’s birthday was last Monday, April 3. We had dinner together… online, using Skype. He cooked spaghetti and bought a blueberry muffin while I bought McDo spaghetti and a brownie to go with that. It’s something that I consider sweet and very romantic, because though he’s 2 hours ahead of our time, we still found a way to celebrate a special moment in his life.

Today, he received the gift I sent him. Sayang lang, hindi tinanggap yung pirated pc games na binili ko ksama nun. As I surmised, he was surprised to see the gift. I don’t know if he was disappointed with it. Wag naman sana. ^___^

This morning, my friends and I enrolled for the summer classes which will start on the 17th. I might say that it’s a bit organized now. I hope they’ll improve their system more for the June enrollment. Since, we finished early for lunch we drove to another branch of SM… in Manila (not in San Lazaro this time). We’re 6 in the group; Jaivy, as usual the only guy in our group is our handsome driver (ehem ehem… libre naman dyan); Melai, our muse and a very special girl for jebs but can’t-be-courted-now-that-she’s-committed-to-greggy-boy; the two South girls Elaine or empot as I call her, the songbird and the Daddy’s little girl/ Cinderella and Bethel who’s big appetite doesn’t matter in her slender buddy; MJ, the love interest of spidey and the girl-who-pays-for-expensive-meals-only-to-eat-1/8-of-it; and of course, yours truly, who likes to eat a lot and is suffering the consequence of it.

I’m proposing a sort of MTVish project to them, just a fun way to spend summer classes, ayt? I’m excited to work on it, though I don’t have any background with video editing (Ai, help!). Firstly we need to come up with a concept, a theme to work on and the song as a background. I’m really serious about it. I want it done by the end of the summer.

Ok, enough now, need to eat first.

Sx w/o Dx

Just as I thought, I didn’t have a great sleep last night. I suffered a temporary insomnia and an orthopnea. I forced myself to sleep after CSI: Miami but my body and mind just won’t give in and my breathing wasn’t good as well. I was in the brink of panic when I realized that I really should calm myself because this was one of the situation I learned in HC and NCM. I tried the pursed-lip technique. Inhaling from my nose and exhaling through pursed lips slowly. It was helpful, not only did it calm and control my breathing but it also quite lulls me to sleep. I stayed on semi-fowler’s position while I watched an old movie in CinemaOne and reflecting on the things that have happened that night until I slipped in a deep slumber…finally.

Bad night

I think it would be awfully hard to sleep tonight. Mom’s not here and I think Ham is mad at me. Aaargh!

happy list

See i was right... I should just keep my mouth shut if i am pissed off..
1. The door was locked even if i left an instruction not to.

2. I am always "on call" even if im tired, hungry, or mad. I have no right to decline. I need to be patient.

3. I hate parasites!

because there are more interesting and happy thoughts to think about like...

1. Talking to him over the phone while he's dining out with his friends.

2. Old friends updating me with their life.

3. Good news such as graduation of my 2 doc friends.

4. Former-boss-turned-friend-with-her-gf meeting on April before they go to Aussie for good.

5. Thinking of appropriate birthday gift for Ham, coz im running out of time.

6. School days will soon be over.

7. Thinking of ways on how to lose inches from my waist without the hassle of dieting.

8. Thinking of good places to visit this summer without spending so much money (im thinking bout Bangkok, Singapore, or HK...LOL!)

9. .....

10. ......

There, mas marami yung happy thoughts di ba? Ayan, I feel good na. ^____^

Free fish

Would the animal advocates hate me if I want to kill one of my aquarium fishes? I don’t like the way the Tilapia kills my other fishes, or maybe I don’t like to see them suffer. It strikes them fast and hard leaving them with short and torn tail and incomplete scales. Though I don’t like my goldfish that much, still I was offended when it was killed yesterday along with the other 2 black bulging-eye-fish. There’s four more of them left, the goldfish, the tilapia look-alike but with some orange & edema on its face, the tilapia, and the janitor fish. We’re actually waiting for it all to die, (how cruel noh?) because Kim and I wanted small fishes instead. How about if we trade it in with our fishes in a pet shop? Pwede kaya yun?

Sing me a song

Somehow this song became meaningful in my life...

Stephen Speaks
Passenger Seat

I look at her and have to smile
As we go driving for a while
Looking nowhere in the open window of my car
And as we go the traffic lights
Watch them glimmer in her eyes
In the darkness of the evening

And I've got all that I need
Right here in the passenger seat
Oh and I can't keep my eyes on the road
Knowing that she's inches from me

We stop to get something to drink
My mind pounds and I can't think
Scared to death to say i love her
Then a moon peeks from the clouds
Hear my heart that beats so loud
Try to tell her simply

That I've got all the I need
Right here in the passenger seat
Oh and I can't keep my eyes on the road
Knowing that she's inches from me

Oh and I've got all the I need
Right here in the passenger seat
Oh and I can't keep my eyes on the road
Knowing that she's inches from me

Oh and I know this love grow

However, whether it'd be Barney, Chopsuey, Linkin Park, or Sinatra's, im sure it would still be appreciated...

Good Omens

I've been looking for a copy of this book...

*picture from amazon.com

for a month. "Out of stock" sabi sa Powerbooks, sa Different Bookstore, or even sa Natio.

Thanks to Hamkin... who searched 2 bookstores for this and sent it back home thru Hans. Mwah! Salamat salamat hamkin for the book and I'll take care of it. *wink*

Make it a frap!

Ham once said that I've got an explosive personality. You'll never know when i'll suddenly explode when under pressure. It is through him, through the experiences that test my patience, and all those involved (family and friends *ehem* sensya na jebs), that taught me on how to handle it graciously. I am still learning though, and i'm trying to fight the urge to unleash my stinging fury.

I realized that it is not an excuse to snap on anyone just because I have a problem like the ones in telenovela. Anyway, this forwarded email came from my tita in Germany, and it's something worth reading... and hopefully i could be like the coffee.^__^


An Analogy - A carrot, an egg and a cup of coffee...


A young woman went to her mother and told her about her life and how things were so hard for her. She did not know how she was going to make it and wanted to give up. She was tired of fighting and struggling. It seemed as though just as one problem was solved, a new one arose.



Her mother took her to the kitchen. She filled three pots with water and placed each on a high fire. Soon the pots came to a boil.

In the first, she placed carrots, in the second she placed eggs, and in the last she placed ground coffee beans. She let them sit and boil, without saying a word.



In about twenty minutes she turned off the burners. She fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl. She pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl. Then she ladled the coffee out and placed it in a bowl.



Turning to her daughter, she asked, "Tell me what you see."

Carrots, eggs, and coffee," she replied.



Her mother brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots. She did, and noted that they were soft. The mother then asked the daughter to take an egg and break it.

After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard boiled egg.





Finally, the mother asked the daughter to sip the coffee. The daughter smiled as she tasted its rich aroma.

The daughter then asked, "What does it mean, mother?"



Her mother explained that each of these objects had faced the same adversity: boiling water. Each reacted differently.

The carrot went in strong, hard, and unrelenting. However, after being subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became weak. The egg had been fragile. Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid interior, but after sitting through the boiling water, its

inside became hardened.



The ground coffee beans were unique, however. After they were in the boiling water, they had changed the water.



Which are you?" she asked her daughter.



"When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?"



Think of this: Which am I?



Am I the carrot that seems strong, but with pain and adversity do I wilt and become soft and lose my strength?



Am I the egg that starts with a malleable heart, but changes with the heat? Did I have a fluid spirit, ... but after a death, a breakup, a financial hardship or some other trial, have I become hardened and stiff? Does my shell look the same, but on the inside am I bitter and tough with a stiff spirit and a hardened heart?



Or am I like the coffee bean? The bean actually changes the hot water, the very circumstance that brings the pain. When the water gets hot, it releases the fragrance and flavor. If you are like the bean, when things are at their worst, you get better and change the situation around you.



When the hour is the darkest and trials are their greatest, do you elevate yourself to another level? How do you handle adversity?

Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?



The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything that comes along their way. The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past; you can't go forward in life until you let go of your past

failures and heartaches.

Sacerdotal Anniversary

Yesterday was my priest uncle's Sacerdotal anniversary. He's already 19 years as a priest. We had mass and the usual kainan afterwards. Happy Anniversary Ninong!

Men and women in orange

I wanted to post something regarding our experience with the F***** (im not cursing, that's the initial of that company) last sunday,who tried to lure us to buy a 33k water purifier made in korea, but im sleepy na... pero sige na nga.

We just finished buying groceries in Robinson's Tutuban. Sabi ni Mommy sa Prime Block na lang kami dumaan papuntang sakayan ng MCU. Nang nasa bridge na kami from the Tutuban Mall ay maraming taong naka black pants and orange polo with blazer ang nasa daan at nangungumbinseng magpa "free" massage. Si mommy ang nasa unahan ko, and since mahilig talaga yun magpamasahe, pumayag kaagad. Nagulat na lang ako nang pumapasok na sya sa loob. Yung store ay nasa tapat lang ng David's salon sa prime block. Dinala kami sa loob at pinaupo siya sa massage chair, ako naman ay sinuotan ng parang pang wrestling na belt at itoy pinaaandar. Pang-relax ung kay mommy, yung sa akin pang pa-slim daw. Habang ginagawa nila ito ay tina-try nilang mahuli ang loob ko, dahil masyadong mabait ang mommy ko at madaling ma-please.

According to them, their company only started in 2003? I'm not sure with the date but they're fairly new daw. According to them, they have branches in Harrison and even Podium, and their reason for letting us give that service is just to be given a chance to introduce their product which consists of a massage chair that costs 89,000Php, a vacuum cleaner (19,000), microwave (20,000+), purifier (32,900), etc. Most of the appliance are made in korea and japan with hi-tech capabilities daw.

After introducing the products they (around 5 of them) let my mom pick a prize, and when they opened the paper... they all shouted and congratulated us. I was baffled, because in a business setting, they shouldn't act like that. They were literally shouting making me all the more doubtful and suspicious but im still waiting for their ultimate goal.

According to them, my mom is so lucky coz she picked a free microwave, the one that costs 20+k, without even buying anything (haller?!!, kung sa groceries nga na may binili ka, ang kuripot pa ng pick-a-prize promo nila eh, yun pang ala ka binili). Somebody went in, picked the prize and was shouting again and congratulating us that the manager was so kind enough to have given us a more expensive gift which is the air cooler.

They were all talking all at the same time. Someone would talk to mom and someone would talk to me. Basta ang gulo nila tlaga, nakakairita.

Eto na, biglang naghahanap na sila ng credit card and ID. Nag-intervene na ako. Sabi ko: "Bakit? Akala ko ba free gift yan, bkit may babayaran?". Tapos sinasabi nila bigla na kung may bilhin daw kaming isang appliance dun 2 appliance ang kasama dahil nga daw "nanalo" si mommy and "swerte" daw siya. Pero pinapakita ko na tlaga na iritable na ako at di ko gusto ang nangyayari dahil obvious naman na yung 3 appliance na yun ay mahigit 33k at may tubo pa sila.

PUtik talaga, di ko na kaya yung situation ng ako lang. "I need back up", I told myself. That's the time that I called Ate Mi or Kim to persuade Mom not to fall for that scheme. Thank God, she listened to them. Gusto niya daw talaga yung mga appliance eh, and she'll be the one to pay for it naman daw. Still it's not worth it.. and I really hate schemes like that.

Pero buti na lang ok na. Kaya kung mapapadaan kayo sa prime block at di maiiwasang dumaan sa part ng david's salon, ingat kayo sa mga taong naka orange na nagtra-trabaho sa Fili**, yun na PO.

Party for Ham

I got a mail from Ai, my bestfriend in College. I'm glad she had the time to email me Rod's despedida pictures. Thanks ai, mwah!


(L-R)Kae, Rody, Paul, Ai, Sir Cesar, and Bri

Sir Cesar was right, I think all of us have changed since our training days in Karate. All of us were "payatot" that time, plus with all the changes in haircut and physique. Now, I've got longer hair and pimples, Ai have braces and glasses, Paul sports a new haircut (he's definitely more macho now), Bri with his toned muscles makes him more pogi, Sir Cesar still the same (gwapo pa rin and may gf na haha), and Rody according to Sir doesn't change (I wonder if it's a complement or what, what do you think Ham?hehe). I think it's a complement. Mwah!



That group was taken by Owee, and it's for the Annual ata. Anyway, Ai and Rody weren't there I don't know why. Sir Cesar has a solo pic eh kaya wala sya dyan. Cute namin, har-har-har-de-har

Sunday baking

Last Sunday and today, Ate Mi, Geri, and I tried baking. Last Sunday was macaroons. It was our first time to do it together, and with the presence of distractions everywhere and lack of organized preparation, our macaroons didn’t turn out right.

Today we decided to use all the left over ingredients from last week by baking butter cookies. I’m not fond of plain cookies especially butter flavors, but I was amazed when we tasted the cookies. Yep! It was great. I’m glad it turned out right.

We’re planning to do it every Sunday so that our cooking and baking skills would improve, and hopefully by the end of the year, I could finally bake and cook for my love ones… especially Hamkin.

Next week, we’ll try baked macaroni… hmm… yummy!

If ever someone would read this, and knows a great recipe *for beginners, I would really appreciate if you would share it. ^___^

Ciao!

10 ways

My 10 ways to relieve stress

10. Work-out sa fitness. 30min na cardio, arm and thigh exercise.

9. Sauna after work out.

8. 1 hr. massage kahit saang massage parlor.

7. Guilty pleasure with choco, ice cream, coffe jelly, or mocha frap.

6. Shopping for purontong and cute tee.

5. Meet up with HS and College best friends.

4. Time for myself. Read a really good book. Neil Gaiman or any international best seller book.

3. Harutan with my family; with Kim, Mommy, Ate Mi, Geri, Alj, Achu, and Papa.

2. Chat with Ham, my boyfriend, best friend, and lover all rolled into one. Just watching his video, playing his piano piece makes my heart beat fast and slow at the same time.

1. Commune with God. He knows everything, and i cannot deny it.

stress sa buhay

Masama ang simula ng araw ko.
Wala kaming tubig sa bahay dahil ninakaw ang kuntador ng tubig namin.
Kulang ang tulog ko dahil kinailangan pa naming hulihin ang mickey mouse.
Gusto ko ng lumipat ng bahay, pero saan?

May defense pa kami at mga unit exams na kelangang paghandaan.
Hindi nga kami ang nauna sa defense pero syempre may kaba.
Alam kong di ako makakakuha ng impormasyon
ukol sa pwedeng itanong,
kaya’t kelangng paghandaan.
Anong magagawa ko, yun ang dapat?

Ang taba ng mukha ko, ng braso at pigi ko.
Ang dami kong pimples.
Ang dry na ng hair ko.
Anong dapat kong gawin?

Ang dami kong pinoproblema.
Ang dami kong pinagsasayangan ng panahon.
Munting bagay na wala naming halaga sa totoong kahulugan ng buhay.

Buti na lang nabasa ko ang email ng isang kaibigan na kahit forwarded lang ay nakatulong sa akin upang kumalma ang aking nararamdaman.
Sabi sa email…

O, bakit ka na naman na-i-istress? Did you wake up on the wrong side of the bed?
Meron ka bang deadline na i-bi-beat ngayong araw na ito?
It's important to understand stress before we can effectively manage it
kaya Stress ang pag-uusapan natin ngayon.
Ayon sa mga scientists mayroong dalawang uri ng stress.
Eustress and Distress.
Eustress is positive stress. Ito ang nararamdaman ng isang dalaga
kapag dumarating na ang kanyang manliligaw at may daladalang flowers.
Eustress din ang tawag sa stress na nararanasan ng mga nagwo- work-out
when they are doing their exercises.
Ang mga athletes, pagkatapos na ma-stress ang kanilang muscles,
they rest para ma-repair ang kanilang muscles.
Kapag hindi sila nagpahinga, the stressed muscles will be injured.
When injury happens, yan ang distress.
Distress is the negative side of stress.
Nakakaramdam ka na ng sakit ng ulo, pagsakit ng tiyan,
hindi na makatulog, di pa makakain.
Distress ang uri ng stress na nagreresulta sa kung ano-anong sakit
tulad ng hypertension, minsan nga ay emotional breakdown pa.
Ano ba ang pwede nating gawin para ang stress natin ay hindi maging distress? Famous author and inspirational speaker,
Dr. John Maxwell has the following suggestions:
Don't be overly sensitive to criticism.
Tanggapin na natin ang katotohanang hindi natin kayang i-please ang lahat ng tao.
Talagang mayroong hindi aayon sa iyo kahit na napaka-noble
ng iyong mga intentions and motives.
So when you receive criticisms, take it constructively kung sensible ang criticism.
If you think the criticism is not objective, huwag na lang pansinin at ng hindi ka ma-distress.
Don't take too much pride in your achievements.
Ang pride ay parang uling, ginagatungan niyan ang distress.
Ang taong proud ay mas lalong nadi-distress dahil masyado niyang iniingatan
ang kanyang achievement at accomplishment.
Minsan nga our achievements hinder us from growing and learning
kasi sinasabi natin sa ating sarili, aba may na-accomplish na ko.
Mas mahusay ako kaysa sa iba, hindi na nila ko pwedeng turuan.
Ang lungkot ng buhay kapag naging ganyan ang attitude natin.
Don't harbor jealousy over the achievement of others.
Ang taong mainggitin madalas ding madistress,
kasi nga totoo namang mayroong mas higit kaysa sa atin.
Natural ang iba ay maaaring magkaroon ng achievements na wala tayo di ba.
Instead of being jealous or envious,
let's learn to rejoice in the successes of others.
Malay mo malibre ka pa bogchi dahil nakikigalak ka sa kanilang tagumpay, di ba?
Don't focus on your weaknesses and inadequacies.
Ang sugat kapag mas lalo mong ginalaw mas lalong lalala at baka maimpeksyon.
The more you focus on your weaknesses and inadequacies
the bigger the tendency of wallowing in self-pity.
While it is important to acknowledge your inadequacies,
it is helpful to focus on your strengths and capabilities.
One effective way of fighting distress is by counting our blessings - the good things which life brings.
When we have grateful hearts,
we will always be reminded that we are too blessed to be stressed!
Someone wrote that
"The shortest distance between a problem and a solution is the distance between your knees and the floor.
The one who kneels to the Lord can stand up to anything."

May mga bagay kasi na hindi na dapat pinagtutuunan ng sobrang panahon.
Ienjoy ang buhay!
Magpasalamat sa Panginoon!
Minsan mukhang mababaw lang, pero hindi.

Pero manalig ka.
Dahil kahit may mga pagsubok, kahit may mas malalim pa na problema,
Ito ang kanyang paraan para ituro sa’yo na kakayanin mo ito.
At nariyan siya upang ihulma ka sa dapat na maging ikaw ayon sa kanyang Plano.

Happy Heart's Day

Can you remember your first kiss with someone you really love? How was it?

Today, to celebrate the heart’s day, I would like to ask you (yes… you), as to how you remember that special moment.

I had my first kiss with my love on our way home after we watched the movie Star Wars (I forgot which part). I was trying to teach him the “nosey-nosey”, a game played to young kids, wherein you would touch your partner’s nose with the tip of your nose [it was actually a bait, har-har-har-de-har]. He thought I wanted to kiss him on the lips, and that’s why he kissed me full on my lips. Whoa! I was shocked of course. I didn’t expect that from him. But I was really glad he did (hehe). Different kinds of pyrotechnics were exploding in my head, I felt so light that I even forgot where I was heading... giddy giddy

This is our 2nd Vday as “mag-howe”, and we were celebrating it through chat since then. This time it’s better, because I already got a faster connection and we downloaded skype2 wherein we could talk and have a video conference at the same time. Ok talaga! Cheaper than the call plus the chance to see him pa even if it’s on cam lang.

Before he left, we celebrated our Vdate na, and here’s our participation with the lovapalooza….

Kung Hei Fat Choy?

Happy chinese New Year to my Chinese friends (as if my friends would read this,hehe)!

My computer broke down, mother board and processor..whew! So it took me quite a while to post here. Ham accompanied me when I bought the parts in gilmore, and while waiting we were able to watch the Manny Pacquiao game that we were supposed to see last sunday.^__^

After which, we meet up with his HS friends and played DOTA. I can't believe I endured 4 hours and a half playing that game.

He was here yesterday and I'm glad he did.

We dropped by in a condo unit and inquired about the place a while ago. It's unusual but a fun thing to do.

Oh boy, community again tomorrow...

Kudos!

Enough about being drama queen, I've got a juicy story to tell. Another revelation was made, but this time it's a happy/sad one. Finally, a friend of mine poured his heart and decided to tell that he likes my friend--- but he's rather late, awww...

K lang yun jebs, hanga ako sa lakas ng loob mo. I'm sure ikaw naman ang bibigyan ng kapareha ni God... in His time.

Meantime, let's study study study for the upcoming midterm exams!

Unexpected

Hindi ko alam na ganun ang kinalabasan. Akala ko ako ang nasa tama. Oo, marami akong gustong patunayan kaya pilit akong nagpapanggap na kaya ko, na matapang ako, pero hanggang ngayon wala pa rin akong napapatunayan. Ang tanda tanda ko na pero wala pa ring nangyayari sa buhay ko. TAE... TAE ang buhay ko.

intro to adulthood

I tried to suppress my indignation, covering it with mirth and cluttered lifestyle. I was hoping it would go to oblivion after waking up in the morning, but I realized that was how I used to be back in college. Always running away from an opportunity to learn something, so I decided to stop, and start growing up.

I got an email today and it suggests something that would test my willingness to make things right. I need to think about it, savor it, coz I wanna do it whole heartedly. *plus I need to confirm on some things first.

While mulling on what I've got, I didn't know that someone close to me is experiencing worries as well and I just learned about it tonight. I didn't know that she was worried sick for she was delayed for a week. She was adviced not to bear another child for it could pose real danger to her and to the baby due to her heart problem. Fortunately, after praying long novenas, she got her period and all her worries disappeared. After which, she thought of having ligation. She is quite hesitant though, for ligation is not accepted to Catholicism. Haay... I'm sure God won't mind having her fallopian tubes tied if it would mean prolonging her life and continuing to be a blessing to all of us.

Still on surgery, Ham is still recuperating from his appendectomy. Just last night he experienced tenderness on the incision and decided to stay at home today. He got well in the morning but had diarrhea at lunch time, and fever in the afternoon. I wish his fever would go down, coz im having 2nd thoughts on letting him go to tagaytay tomorrow.

Shit happens

I guess we all have our share of misfortunes in this world. I just didn't expect it would be this soon. Anyway, that's ok, I still feel fine. I'm not angry anymore. It's not like we could still turn back time. But one thing's for sure.. I need to get another part time job!

Fortunately, I got Ham to talk about it. And just being with him, relieves me of the situation I am in. Also, I'm glad that Kim and I agreed on things to be done. I believe that everything will turn out right eventually...

Narnia

Bri, Ham, and I watched Narnia yesterday. First day of showing and what would you expect... lots of people. Fortunately Ham already reserved seats for us even before I got there. Aside from the fact that the seats are really comfy and with my big pillow cuddling me, the movie is really good ^____^. I found myself muttering "cmon fight" to Peter during the battle scene, lol.

Anyway, need to prepare my things now for my classes. Ciao

Money can't buy everything

Splurging money is a sin especially if you're not rich. Prioritize more important and more sensible things. Or is this just your way of washing away your guilt?

Happy new year? I hope so

New year new life for me and for my family...

We thought we're ready for it, we're wrong. It hurts so much. My mind tells me It's okay, it's logical, but my heart says otherwise. This year will be hard for us, and I'm glad that my brother is matured and responsible enough for that. I don't know how will I give comfort when the time comes for us to talk about it.