Merry Christmas

Happy Birthday Lord! ^______________^

Sorry Lord kung wala akong magandang regalo sayo, ang sarili ko lamang na puno pa ng kasalanan, inis, at insecurities. Lord pasensya ka na ha, kahit na napa-realize nyo sa akin na ako pa ri'y maganda sa paningin niyo, pilit pa ring bumabalik ang mga ito sa puso ko. Hayaan niyo Lord, tina-try ko namang ayusin ang sarili ko eh. Patuloy akong magsisikap na maging kaaya-aya sa paningin niyo. Sana magawa ko ng tama ang iniatang nyong layunin sa akin sa mundong ito.

December gimmicks!

Boracay


Ham and I


The sandcastle: Cam, Kae, Ham

Subic

Watching the two boys play with tita ching


Freezingly cold


The supposed adventure to zoobic and ocean adventure


Dinner Reunion


Introducing Ham to my family



With my lolo and cousins


Tita Vigie, Tita Ching, Ken, Tita Pen, Mommy, Ham


From left: Eydie, Jed, Ellis, Tita Christie, and Tito Ed


Lolo, to reno, Cheska, Charlene, and Tita Tess

Lola, Nanay, and April

*Some weren't included in the pictures like my brother Kim, Tito Fred, Kairo, and June... Sorry guys hehe.

mabuhay!

there were two things i've been waiting for a long time. the first one has arrived around 0330H. finally, after 2 months of waiting...

the other one... i'll be expecting later this evening.

welcome back!^________________^

malapit na

4 days to go... haaay....

I was in G4 this afternoon to meet up with my twin (my old college friend) and return his anime collection who's been in my possession for a year now. A lot of people were there to watch Harry Potter, and I can't help but get really excited at the thought of watching it next Saturday.

A bad dream

When I woke up this morning, I remembered having a weird dream. According to it, I lost the tooth near my front teeth, and half of the another tooth was chipped as well. I also remember seeing two corpses lying in an elevated space of an open ground with grasses surrounding it.

I am not that superstitious but I still did what the others would have done when this happened… I bit my pillow and a wood which was believed to ward off anything bad that could happen. I prayed to God to protect and guide us as well.

How about you? Do you think that dream is sort of a warning?

A special day

It’s supposed to be an ordinary day, but nay, yesterday has become one of my not-so-ordinary day. There were no party, no thick crowd, and no booze to drink (well, except for papa’s nightly supply). It was simple yet I was able to celebrate it graciously and productively.

Days before I turned 22, a lot of people were already greeting me, through text or in YM. I was awake when the clock stroked midnight, and I wasn’t really expecting people to be awake and greet me. But thankfully a handful of people did. Kim whom I just finished dressing his wound at 12 greeted me instantly. But the first one who greeted me in text was Cathie_ganda, she’s a friend of a friend whom I met during their gig in their Church. The second was Sir Cesar, my sensei, and who was also celebrating his birthday the same time with me. The third one is Ham, who waited for the midnight (3am his time), and messaged me despite our 3-hour-time difference.

The rest of my friends followed. Usually I wouldn’t erase immediately my friends’ greetings, but with my phone’s limited capacity to store messages I was forced to delete it right after I thanked them.

To all my friends who greeted me, especially those I rarely see: thank you for your greetings.

I also have this childlike heart, and I really appreciated all the gifts I received. Geri Beri, my cousin dear was the first one who gave me a gift. I was really touched by that gesture. She gave me a memo pad with a cute green case, a keychain, and a post-it note wishing me well for my birthday. Mommy and Papa gave me money (yippee!), which I instantly spent when I had a check up yesterday morning (but not all of it). Ate Mi accompanied me when I visited the doctor and it’s a gift for me too. We had Double Dutch ice cream bought by Mom. Ate Jeneth gave me a Black forest cake. Mai visited me on my birthday and let me eat her choco corn flakes. And I received my popular look-alike stuffed toy--- sponge bob! Thanks Jebs!

We had a class yesterday, but fortunately I was able to wake up in time to attend the Mass and thank God. God is so good and He gave me so many blessings even if I’m not worthy to receive it. I’ve got a great family and loving friends. I’m so glad that He created me this way, my physical, mental, spiritual, and emotional side. I’m so glad He showed me love and made me capable to give back love to others. I’m so blessed and I thank God for it.

Today is a great day

Today is a great day.

I only slept for 4 hours. I woke up for an interview survey. I walked under the pouring rain. I talked to strangers. I soaked my feet in the mud. I waited for 30min for my first class. I waited for 3 hours for another prof who would show up.

Ordinarily, that would irritate my not-so-patient self. But like I said… Today is a great day.

How come?

Perhaps because I talked to the person who melted my depressed self in the wee hours of the morn. Perhaps he felt I needed him. Perhaps he needed me. Perhaps. Perhaps.

Soliloquy

You were talking with somebody. You were telling him about a very interesting story, complete with sound effects, face contortion, and body movements to highlight every scene. You were so excited. You laughed hard and expect your listener to laugh with you. He just stared at you. Worst still, he asked you to repeat your story.

How would you feel?

You were busy typing about your thoughts. Concentrating hard, putting the exact word to describe how you feel. Pouring your emotions to the only one who wouldn’t complain with your monotonous dialog… your dear blog. Suddenly, out of the blue, a window popped up, you were too stunned to even read it, and maybe too fast. But it only means one thing… you got disconnected and whatever you were previously and painstakingly typed were gone.

How would you feel?

@##&&%$$#*&^%$#@#@!~~

Waiting patiently

I'll meet you after 17 days...

End of things

Sem break has come to an end, and it slipped past me without hardly noticing it. It was not spent on a beach as what the others would have done, nor out of town to see more of the evergreens. I didn’t spend much money, just enough for some caffeine to last the day.

I didn’t have the ideal sem break but I guess I accomplished much compared to my previous term breaks.

I cried. I laughed. I prayed. I thanked thee.

Everything that happened had a purpose, and I had some hint. It confirmed something good but also offered new puzzlement.

We talked. We shared. We collaborated. We praised thee.

My relationship with my God and family was renewed. After 3 weeks of strict observance, finally Lolo was advised to continue recuperating at home. He’s still got a tank of oxygen though, just to be in a safe side.

I read. I read. I read. I read.

Nothing left to do but read. I finished the last three books of the Mallorean series and it felt so good. I realized that I like David Eddings now better than Terry Goodkind. I’ve grown to like the characters which D has provided. He tied loose ends on each series and consistently inserted humor and erring that inevitably made them more popular and known.

I ate. I chomped. I devoured. I munched.

Watching somebody sleeps just after midnight makes one more light headed and indulgent of a good night sleep. Burger Mcdo or Jollibee fries will keep me fine.

I haven’t slept that much. The sleep from my eyes is now sweetly blocking my mind. It’s time for bed, it says.

Good night.

Mulan

I didn’t grow up wanting to become like one of the Disney princesses with their prince charming saving them from the wicked witch. I remember saying that Belle of Beauty and the Beast is my favorite when I was in high school, just for the sake of having a “favorite”.

That actually changed when Mulan was showed sometime in my College days. I would watch it over and over again but still laughs with every comic statement that the lead characters would say.

Indeed, Mulan is my true favorite among the Disney characters probably, because I can relate to the character and actually day dreaming of wanting to become her. Firstly, she’s Asian. Her appearance and her culture is trifle close to mine. Secondly, she’s doing some karate moves, and I just love it. Thirdly, she’s determined to do what she must do as dictated by her heart. She’s brave, she’s smart, and she kick some ass.

Last night, it was my first time to watch Mulan II, though I know that it was circulated eons ago. Mulan II is about settling Mulan and Shang’s differences, compromising, and proving that their love for each other is strong despite and in spite of problems. Their 3 friends were also there (Chien-Po, Ling, and the short one which I forgot the name) paired with the 3 princesses; Mushu, and the cricket.

It’s mostly about love, of friendship, and of doing what your heart really wants. It’s really a good movie, and I would really want to watch it again.

Countdown

starts now...

24 days to go...

In sickness and in health

My lolo was confined in Medical City for 2 weeks, and half of it was spent at ICU. During those times, we could only see him from 0900-1100 and 1700-1900. One day, I arrived at ICU-C3 with lola talking to my dear lolo while holding his hand. My lola who started being makulit and makakalimutin 4 months ago, was diagnosed with mild Alzheimer’s disease. She knows that lolo was in the hospital because he’s sick, but “fortunately” with her condition, she doesn’t know how serious it is. Everyday, she would dress up and wait for my tita to accompany her to the hospital, would bring clothes with her thinking she’ll be staying with lolo. My lolo can’t speak due to the respirator inserted in his throat, and would only scribble on a notebook what he wants to say. As I arrived, he wrote something about bringing my lola home, therefore taking care of her, for he knows that if we let her out of our sight, we might spend the rest of the day looking for her.
-------------------------------------

Btw, we transferred him to the hospital along Taft. I rode the ambulance. Though not a good time (when is it a good time anyway?) I still felt excited with the thought of riding one.
----------------------------

Oh, and I lost my glasses… again.

over a cup of coffee

Aside from the critical event in my life, a horrifying truth ended my childhood fantasy. All it takes is a confirmation. I thought we were different. I was wrong.

My lolo

I ain’t no drama queen, but I think I look like one especially when I talked to lolo while he’s in the ICU. I was trying to be strong for the sake of him, but my eyes can’t control the tears welling up my eyes. I told him to fight. I told him to be strong because we want him to be around for our grand reunion on December wherein his children, my aunts and uncles, who now lived on different parts of the globe, would be here to celebrate Christmas with us. I can see his face contort with agony and his closed eyes welling up with tears as well.

My 82-year-old lolo had his first stroke last Thursday as he was trying to lift the can of paint and doing things he shouldn’t do due to his condition. At his age, he shouldn’t be exhausting himself lest he’ll be ill. He was trying to repaint the house in Cainta and even with helpers around he still does things himself.

He got admitted to Medical City in Ortigas and I’ve been staying with him since Sunday. He was recovering but due to nosochomial infection he acquired while he was confined in the ACSU (Acute Stroke Unit) his condition aggravated.

The phlegm in his lungs due to emphysema thickened and he is having hard time breathing. He would cough hard but cannot expectorate the phlegm. His erythema face contorted with pain and the determination to fight. The doctor put an intubation wherein a tube was inserted down his throat using tools you wouldn’t wanna be inserted with. My lolo gagged at it and is still gagging even when he was starting to get sedated. It caused trauma not only to him but for us as well who saw it all. The doctor said that if his body wouldn’t respond well to the medicine they couldn’t do anything more.

Please pray for my lolo (Matias Guimba). Please pray that God would continue to watch over him and embrace him with His loving touch. We cannot do anything more but pray. We lift it all up to Him, the Almighty One, who knows what would be best for His child.

October 13

So fast. The semester already ended yesterday after our final exam. We celebrated it by giving ourselves a movie treat. Although it was not the movie we originally wanted (Skeleton Ring), we suit ourselves with Rob Schneider’s Deuce Bigalow at G4 instead. The movie was so-so. It lacks substance, but we laughed at it anyway. We were stacked at traffic jam and a total of 2 hrs travel time was made, but it was a fun filled afternoon all the same.

I ran in with Kim that afternoon with his friends, and when I got home he has a fever. He told me that they were supposed to watch that same movie but their plan did not materialized when he told them he’s not feeling well. Up until now, I’m playing the ms. Little nurse for my little brother. I hope he’ll get well soon.
----------------------------------
During our Finals, Ham and I only got to chat one time, because he was giving me time to “study”. That’s thoughtful of him, but I can’t help myself and misses him instantly. I can’t text him that much though, since his Globe doesn’t work up until now and the cost of texting him on his Aussie phone is as expensive as the call. Lucky for me, Mom allowed me to use her phone to call him but I’ll be paying her at the end of the month, fair enough. It was just for a minute or two, but hearing his voice made me focused on what I am studying and more determined to do well.

Communion and Graduation

Last Friday was also Geri’s First Communion. She was chosen to recite the Second Reading. We’re proud of her!

The next morning was my little brother’s graduation day. Yep! He’s now included to the list of professional bums in the country hehe… but we’re really proud of him!

Dinner date

Last Friday was our last meeting before our final exam. Only a handful of students were present to compute for their grades including us. Mostly, those were the students who are “grade conscious” so to speak…. Or like us, who were planning to have a gimmick afterwards.

I brought my digicam for a class picture. Most of my classmates were shy when I told them to look at the cam except my “bibo” friends who enjoy posing for the camera. After a while, with Daddy Yo’s encouragement they gladly smiled on cam.

We were dismissed early, and since we would be meeting Liezl after her 7pm class, we decided to go first at San Lazaro to eat. It was my first time to eat the Greenwich Special Pizza since I always order pasta whenever I frequent the place. The pizza was ok. But our snack was cut short when we were informed that the office will be closed on Saturday. Since I still don’t have my permit (%$#@&*) for our exam even if I paid full during our enrollment, I have to wait in line and present my receipt in order to get that permit. Hmmp! I didn’t had my receipt then so Jebs drove us to my place and hurriedly snatched my receipt from my folder. Luckily we reached the school before the closing time.

We still have ample time to spend before meeting Liezl. We decided to stay at Jollibee, order nothing and just review for our Lecture exam. Em, Melai, Xandy, Jebs, and I discussed the answers in our questionnaire on our Unit exam and asked each other questions we could think of regarding the subject.

Once there, at Liezl’s place, we played with Tyrone (her son), I took his pictures mostly, while his mom got dressed. We drove straight to Don Henrico’s in Tomas Morato ordered buffalo wings, baked ziti (did I spell it right?) in red and white sauce, and pizza in bacon cheeseburger flavor and the other one which I don’t know. The food was rich in flavor and I got satiated easily. Liezl haven’t forgot our weaknesses and so she brought her big Toblerone bar and shared it to us.

The rain was pouring hard and our Cinderella (Em) friend must be in her doorsteps at 10pm. The traffic was jammed and we reached her place at 11pm. The night wasn’t done yet for us so we stopped at Café Briton in Greenbelt and ordered crepe for dessert. We talked about our life in general and whether Liezl would go back to Metro or not. At the end, we were the ones who were convinced to transfer to other school for a better quality of education. It’s still the thought that’s gnawing my mind up until now.

Over all, that dinner with my friends was terrific. Now, we need to prepare for our final exam this week. *grin*

Icky day

Shhh.. I have something to tell you. I didn’t bathe this morning when I went to my grandparent’s house. Did I tell you that the water system in our area has a mood? Oh yes, so if we wake up late in the morning, like 10am, we’ll bathe in slightly murky and smelly water. Kadiri noh? Anyway, that’s what happened this morning. I didn’t want to bathe in water like that, and since I bathed last night, I thought I wouldn’t smell that bad naman.

The day was hot and sticky. We arrived in Cainta at lunch time amidst the blazing sun. We ate, talked with our lolo and lola, and had a siesta before going home. I only had a time to change my sweat drenched white shirt with fresh new white shirt before we went to the Church to attend the Mass. It’s St. Therese’s feast day so we chose to attend Mass there.

I was conscious and a bit guarded as to how I smell whenever they would go near me. I felt sticky and filthy. During the Mass, I realized that not only my physical body hasn’t bathed yet, but my soul as well. I feel sticky, smelly, and filthy inside. It’s been a while since I last had my confession and communion. I feel bad about it. I pray that this “spiritual gap” I am experiencing would be over soon.

Weekend getaway

I had a very enjoyable weekend.

Last Saturday Mai and I went to a baptismal party of her relatives in Cainta. The rain was pouring hard but that didn’t stop us from still going to Grace’s house in Siniloan, Laguna. She was afraid to drive that far with just the two us so we opted to commute. We rode the jeep going to Tanay, and another jeep going to Siniloan. We arrived at 1730, and we were greeted warmly by Grace’s family.

It was Grace’s oldest sister’s (Ate Lei) birthday and a welcome back party for her second sister (Ate Jacq). We ate there most of the time and spent the night at a resort. The resort we stayed of course has a pool but we weren’t able to swim because all of us are girls and didn’t want to mingle with the boys on the pool. Rather, we spent the night posing on the cam, either assuming the position of cheerleaders or talking about Pinoy big brother, hehe.

We woke up early to attend the mass and for the procession for Our Lady of Peñafrancia. Grace’s family belongs to the Church’s organization that handles the event. We were wearing a yellow gold shirt, that Ate Jacq, Kat, and I opted to tie at the back for a more smaller waistline, kikay talaga, hehe.

The santo was brought down to the pagoda and had the fluvial procession. During the procession, it was traditional to throw water to whoever is part of the group. The pagoda had a fire hose with them, and all of us who were in the bridge got wet. We in turn put water on a small plastic bag and aimed it to whoever we wanted to throw water to. It was a nice feeling, walking wet under the sun. The fun part was when we bought food like Scramble, butchi, nagaraya, and ice water. We ate the food and used the ice water to sprinkle to unguarded civilians hehe.

We went back late in the afternoon, and all 14 of us rode the Revo for 3 hours. Our legs wear cramped after the trip but that’s okay. The trip was fun. Thanks to Grace and her family for being so warm with us, as well as with Mai and her family for welcoming me in their small gathering.

Simple life

Ham said he’s a simple guy and likes a simple life. In my friendster, I describe myself as simple. Both of us are simple, and want a simple life. How simple can a simple be?

We have different perceptions in seeing things, ayt? And a simple thing for this man is grandiose for another. I have attended one seminar, wherein we were asked what kind of house we wanted to have in the future. A bunch of people were asked to answer it. Most of the answers are: Just a simple house will do. They would then be asked to describe the house they wanted, the size, the style, the furniture inside, and the gadgets that come with it. I too was building the house in my head that I wanted to have someday. But then I realized that that simple house I wanted might still cause me a fortune and that simple house that bunch of people wanted really costs a lot. So much for simplicity…

While we were chatting last night, I asked Ham what kind of pulutan he wanted since I was eating chicharon. He said: I’m simple di ba? I enjoy simple pleasures. I then asked him what kind of pleasures he is talking about. According to him the simple pleasures he’s talking about and stressed “without spending ba?” are: eat, sleep, day dream, exploring, looking at the sky, window shopping, driving, chatting, reading, __________( in planning stage).

Paris Hilton and Nichole of Simple Life is all about these two famous and rich girls trying out a life without their Dad’s money, cell phones, and other luxuries they are used to have and trying out a modest life for a change.

What could then be the word simple mean? According to my trusted dictionary, simple means 1. of a basic kind; not complicated or complex. 2. readily understood or dealt with, as a problem. 3. without superfluities or affectations. 4. in modest circumstance. 5. pure.

(Pure, I like that. My name Kathleen means pure, ehem ehem...)

Simple for a different person may not be simple at all. Different perceptions, for different people. A simple life my Ham wanted might be complicated for me, or the simple life for me isn’t simple for him. My simple Ham may not be simple at all, and the Kae you know may be as complex as she can be. But at least, both of us take delight in simple things that does not need spending.

Sad sad sad

Today I was saddened by the way my Oral Care demo has turned out. I got a very low grade for that and that’s because I didn’t pat my partner’s mouth dry immediately. Three more procedures to go, 3 more chances, and that’s it.

Geri yan!

I was amazed by how much Geri, my cousin, has grown, physically and intellectually. Everytime I look at her, I can’t help but be amazed as to how much she has changed from the “Geri-tutong days”, a young chubby girl with short hair and scaly scalp to a petite and fashionable girl.

She’s now 9 years old but she already knows now how to mismatch clothes. She knows what hairstyles that would look good on her or how to project her assets while picture taking.

Aside from that “ka-kikayan”, she has grown more intelligent through the years. She likes horror movies, and loves frightening her playmates with her stories. She likes to portray as Sadako, hairs falling down on her face or the woman in “The Grudge”, with elbows flexed and pointing outward. That, I guess, is the culprit for her wild imagination.

She has been writing stories since she was grade 1, I think. And just after dinner, she showed me her collection of English stories. The first one was a bit disorganized, wrong grammar and no punctuations, but the thought was there. As I browsed on the near end of the pile, I read this particular story written in a writing pad entitled “Best friends”. It was a short story about a dying boy, who has promised to his best friend that he will never ever leave her. The boy died, and amidst the girl’s crying saw her best friend in heaven with God reminding her that he’ll always be with her forever. Nice and deep story for a 9-year-old, noh?

I’m very proud of her, and I believe that she will be very successful in life.^___^

How's today?

Somehow this song reflects how I feel.

Bitch by Meredith Brooks

I hate the world today
You're so good to me, I know
but I can't change
Tried to tell you but you looked at me like maybe I'm an angel underneath
innocent and sweet
Yesterday I cried
You must have been relieved to see the softer side
I can understand how you'd be so confused
I don't envy you
I'm a little bit of everything
all rolled into one
I'm a bitch
I'm a lover
I'm a child
I'm a mother
I'm a sinner
I'm a saint
I do not feel ashamed
I'm your hell
I'm you dream
I'm nothing in between
You know you wouldn't want it any other way
So take me as I am
This may mean you'll have to be a stronger man
Rest assured that when I start to make you nervous
And I'm going to extremes
Tomorrow I will change
and today won't mean a thing
I'm a bitch
I'm a lover
I'm a child
I'm a mother
I'm a sinner
I'm a saint
I do not feel ashamed
I'm your hell
I'm you dream
I'm nothing in between
You know you wouldn't want it any other way
Just when you think you got me figured out
The season's already changin'
I think it's cool you do whatcha do
and don't try to save me
I'm a bitch
I'm a lover
I'm a child
I'm a mother
I'm a sinner
I'm a saint
I do not feel ashamed
I'm your hell
I'm you dream
I'm nothing in between
You know you wouldn't want it any other way
I'm a bitch
I'm a tease
I'm a goddess on my knees
When you're hurt
When you suffer
I'm your angel undercover
I've been numb
I'm revived
Can't say I'm not alive
You know I wouldn't want it ANY other way

Sense of humor

I've got a not-so-good mark on our quiz. I went home during our break time to hopefully catch some sleep. I set my mobile phone to alarm at 12pm and turned the volume high. As I was sleeping on the floor, a stupid cockroach passed by and brushed it's legs on my arm. EWwww....

Of course, that thing woke me up, so I decided to just dressed up and go to school so as not to be late for our very "mataray" but smart CI for the week. Classes start and the lecture was all about Mobility. I admit, I got really absorbed with the lecture. The whole class did, what with our CIs spontaneity and sharp eyes, no one wants her to get mad. And then, suddenly... my phone rang.

My gulay! My heart was beating fast while trying to meet her gaze. I mumbled sorry, but she "tried" to joke that I need to sing or she would confiscate my phone.At the end of the class, she seemed not to remember what happened. But I still went after her and apologize again... I thought she would just brush it off. But rather, she gave me this cold stare asked me to make a letter explaining why it happened.

Earlier, during our Lecture class, it was mentioned that one coping mechanism when frustrated is to have a sense of humor...

Will someone teach me how to do that?

Sunday

It’s Sunday once again, may pasok na naman bukas. I woke up early and attended the 9am mass. I was still sleepy but forced myself to get up and bathe. During the Mass, I was fighting myself to concentrate and focus my attention to the Gospel, which was about Forgiveness. It is a reminder that we as the creations of God should forgive not only seven times, but 70 times (something to that effect), the way God forgives us. Jesus died on the Cross because of our sins. We continue to sin but He continues to forgive us. We should be like Him, right?

The sun was high when we went home. The heat was scorching and it made me want to just lay on my bed and sleep. I didn’t. I watched CSI Supreme instead and cooked merienda. ^___^

Yep! I cooked spaghetti this afternoon. Everybody was looking at what I was doing with fear in their eyes. Yep, fear in their eyes for they already know how bad I cooked before. Kim, my brother who’s really good in cooking, coached me a little. And… voila! I managed to cook hot and spicy spaghetti. They said it’s good daw, and they were asking why I suddenly cooked. Maybe because I need to perfect spaghetti *wink* or just to become a more domesticated girl *hehe*.

Anyway, I got a nice picture from Ham when he was in Hunter’s valley. It was sent to me along with the pictures taken yesterday during the Confirmation of his nephew. Cute….^___^



Hamkin and his nephews


Hamkin

Forget me not

I was reading Ham’s reply to Dad’s email when I noticed that my name in his address book only consists of my name until the middle name but not the surname. I then asked him while chatting what’s my full name and replied “Marie Kae, ryt?”. I was so disappointed that I immediately closed my YM.

I was still thinking about that even before I sleep, but since I do not want any unsettled matters before sleeping, I texted him my full name and assured him that I would keep on reminding him about that until it sticks on his mind.

I knew that he’s quite forgetful with details like that even when we were in College. Back in 2002, nearing the date of my birthday, I reminded him quite charmingly about the debut I had (our first long conversation as friends in the suite) last year. Since he was at my party, I was expecting that he would say “Oh yes, you’re birthday will be on the __th day, right?” But no, he said a completely different birth date. I thought he was really joking, so I put on a sad face, hoping he would confess that he was just joking. Unfortunately, he really had that straight and confused look telling me he was telling the truth.

This afternoon, as the class is coming to an end, I received a text from him. On his first sentence, he typed my complete full name. My face lighted up. Moving on the second sentence, he was telling that my birthday is on the 15th of November *Grrr…* Wrong again! Hmmp! After being together for almost 3 years, that’s still his answer? *Grrr…*

Ate Mi told me that his husband (Kuya Greg) has the same problem. At first, she also cried when Kuya Greg forgot their anniversary and forgot her full name while filling up a form. According to her, she was upset that time, but later on got used to it.

I know it doesn’t mean that Ham loves me less. It can’t be measured like that, but still...

Jap expressions

I was rummaging on my old stuff and chanced upon the Japanese short course book which my friend gave me back in College.

Here’s some useful daily expressions:

1.Ohayogozaimasu. Good Morning! (used until 10am)
2.Konnichiwa. Hello. (used as an informal greeting from 10am till sunset)
3.Kombanwa. Good Evening.
4.Sayonara. Good bye. (informal)
5.Shitsurei shimasu. Good bye. (formal)
6.Oyasumi nasai. Good night.
7.Dewa mata/ Ja mata. Well then… (said informally when parting w/ friends or relatives.)
8.Itte rasshai. So long. (lit. “Go and come back”). Said to members of a household as they leave the house.
9.Itte mairimasu. So long. (lit. “I’m going and coming back). This is the reply to Itte rasshai.
10.Tadaima. I’m back. (lit. [I have returned] just now). Said by a person on returning home.
11.Okaeri nasai. Welcome home. This is the reply to Tadaima.
12.O-genki desu ka. How are you? (lit. “Are you well?”
13.Arigato Gozaimasu. Genki Desu. Fine, thank you.
14.Omedeto gozaimasu. Congratulations!
15.O-daijini. Take care of yourself.
16.Domo arigato gozaimasu. Thank you very much.
17.Do itashimashite. You’re welcome.
18.Chotto matte kudasai. Wait, just a moment please.
19.Mo ichido onegaishimasu. Once more, please.
20.Osakini. Pardon my going first (before you). Said when going ahead of other people after being urged to do so.
21.Dozo osakini. Please, go ahead.
22.Ki o tsukete. Take care/ Be careful.
23.Abunai! Look out! (lit. It’s dangerous”)
24.Dame desu. Out of the question/ Impossible/ No good.
25.Gambatte kudasai. Keep your chin up! Said to encourage someone.

I can’t memorize that all in once, but it’s pretty useful to know some foreign language once in a while.

And besides, it’s advantageous to have some Japanese expressions in mind especially when watching anime! ^____^

Mata ne!

Karate as a way of life

I woke up this morning, feeling stiff all over my body. I had Karate training last night with Sir David as the sensei (teacher) along with 3 other black belters and several other colored belters. As expected, the training needs particular attention to our Kata (form) and power in delivering each technique. It’s not my favorite part of Karate, but it’s the basic and is the foundation of the Sport and Art I’ve come to love.

I’m still in Purple 5 for more than a year and still not ready for the Purple 4 examination. A great deal of training and practice would be needed for me to come into top condition once again; hip rotation for every kata move, lower and longer stances, power for every execution, and mastery of each kata.

It was embarrassing for it was the second time Sir David sort-of reprimanded me for my kata. It’s either I forgot the sequence of each Heyan we are performing or my stances are short. It was really hard perfecting each stance, be it forward stance, straddle stance, and back stance being the hardest. My knees would sometime shake uncontrollably in the mid of a kata and almost lost my balance.

Probably seeing not only my difficulty but in others as well, he told us that Karate is not just a Sport where you could defeat an opponent, bag trophies and medals, and promotion of ranks, but rather a Personal Journey which differs for every individual.

Being the personal journey, every challenge differs for each person. Every person tackles each with different level of effort and goal in mind. For me, it is my inner struggle to discipline and defeat myself. To impose something that would push my vices into sideline and pave way for a clearer goal of improving myself.

Incorporating Karate in my life is hard but with discipline and in focusing with my goal, it would soon be realized. Even if that would mean starting to eradicate my vices like eating chocolates every time I see one in the fridge, spending too much time surfing the net, watching TV, and going out every chance I have. And instead wake up early in the morning, practice kata, and not missing any of my Karate trainings. Of course, aside from studying my lessons in school. ^___^

So you see, Karate is not just a sport and art, but more of a way of life. It should be hard, but I would benefit from it if I just do it correctly this time.

Here’s our 5 “mantras” (I don’t know how it is called) recited at the end of session:
*saying of Tots is necessary to indicate that each was important, and there’s no hierarchy with each mantra.

1.Tots. Seek perfection of character.
2.Tots. Be faithful.
3.Tots. Endeavor.
4.Tots. Respect Others
5.Tots. Refrain from violent behavior.

Fly me to the moon

I've been hurt this morning, but everything went right when Ham sang one of my fave online...*thru skype*

Fly me to the moon
And let me play among the stars
Let me see what spring is like
On Jupiter and Mars
In other words hold my hand
In other words darling kiss me

Fill my life with song
And let me sing forevermore
You are all I hope for
All I worship and adore
In other words please be true
In other words I love you

repeat 2nd verse, then repeat 1st verse


I don't care a damn even if loving him will make my life complicated.

I don't care if he's a thousand miles away.

I just love him that much. *sigh*

10 quick update

1. It's already september, start of the Ber month. That means, just 2 months from now, i'll be turning 22 and that i could see my Hamkin again!

2. I'm back to Karate. I train now more seriously, and I take it as a personal journey. By that, I want to improve myself everytime I do my kata and trying to defeat my inner obstacles thru discipline. Taking in mind that my real opponent is within me.

3. I thank God for so many things. I'm blessed with so much, and I hope I could be the person He wants me to be.

4. Ham made an email for Dad, Weeeeeee!

5. I met Ai and Gracita last thursday at G4. We spent the day discussing only one aspect of our life, and it's so bitin! We have to go out again, and Gracita wants a night out, asking us to teach her how to drink liquor too...hehe.

6. Stressed from work, that's Mai. She spent the night here and we talked how she feels about her current job. She looks so tired yet still striving to do her part.

7. I've got a new microphone and optical mouse, yipeee!

8. Our return demo will start after we've finished 2 weeks of lecture, and that's great! We still have time to practice and discuss it with our partner.

9. I already got a second shot of my Hepa-B vaccine. It hurts badly than the first. My third shot will be on January.

10. I realized that I love Ham soo much, and I pray that God would guide us in our relationship.

Daddy's girl

This morning I was feeling jittery. I thought something was wrong. I texted Ham if he's ok, and prayed that God would protect my family from harm. Thank God nothing's really wrong.

I thank God for all the blessings He gave me even if I sometimes feel that im not worthy of it. Today, I had these blessings.

First, I already have my period... after 2 months of waiting, not that i'm afraid of being pregnant,hehe. (can webcam do that? kidding....)but the thought of not able to eliminate menses in my body seems scary.

Second, I got a good grade for midterms.Pero barat talaga CIs namin sa grade, but at least...^__^. I wasn't expecting it, really.

Third, i received dad's gift a while ago which he sent thru johnny air.

here they are:


1. littmann stethoscope- finally i could hear the apical pulse of anyone clearly, unlike when I used my other stet, I couldn't hear it and just made up the apical rate of my partner just for the sake of saying a number close enough to her Pulse rate.

2. BP kit- for home use.

3. Harry potter 6- i could finally start reading it and not be tempted of borrowing grace's copy.

4. 2 Enzo Angiolini black leather shoes- which i could wear in work, or in gimik. Dad really knows what I like.

5. Burberry perfume- in addition to my Burberry Weekend. not that i use it regularly, i still prefer colognes though. perfumes--just for my collection.

6. a pair of glasses- i lost my nine west glasses at school and it's so sad for I
really saved the money I spent for that.

7. 2 Aeropostale shirts- i really like polo shirts now

8. Elmo stuffed toy- Im still Dad's little girl!

Exercise makes a womam eat more?

I found this article on Tina Juan’s column at Inq7 entitled “Well and Good: Exercise makes women eat more?”. Her article really caught my attention for it’s happening to me. I sometimes make myself desperate for exercise but indulge on food and sweets for godsake after each work out! Or, when I eat McDo meals before my trainings, yikes! No wonder I still feel flubby and chubby all the same.

I once asked my friend to accompany me in jogging but to my disappointment he said, “wag na, lalo ka lang tatakaw”, which was probably true after all.

Here I posted the full article of Ms. Tina Juan from her Lifestyle column in Inquirer posted on Aug 22, 2005.

Well and Good : Exercise makes a woman eat more?

IT’S unfair but true. Men have an easier time losing weight than women.

Scientists think it could be because women’s cells are more prone to storing fat. A new study may have discovered another reason. Exercise may stimulate a woman’s appetite so she ends up eating an equal amount of calories or more than she burns in the workout.

In the past, research found that male rats did not increase their caloric intake in response to exercise and consequently lost weight. Female rats ate more after exercising and maintained their weights.

It turns out that, when it comes to exercise and appetite, humans may be just like rats. Many studies have shown that moderate and high-intensity exercise has no effect on a man’s appetite.

A Canadian study at the University of Ottawa found women participants consumed more calories at lunch after exercising vigorously in the morning compared to when they exercised at a low intensity or not at all.
Researchers defined “high intensity” as walking at a fast pace for 37 minutes on a treadmill (70 percent of peak oxygen uptake) while “low intensity” (40 percent of peak oxygen uptake) was defined as walking at a slow pace for 65 minutes.

The duration of workouts was adjusted so that everyone was burning 350 calories per session.

Is no exercise better?

Does this mean it’s better not to exercise or, at least not vigorously, if you want to lose weight? Not at all. The Canadian study found that the women ate 878 calories during lunch after a high-intensity workout, 819 calories after low-intensity exercise, and 751 calories when they did not exercise.

Although they ate the fewest calories at lunch when they did not exercise, a comparison of the amount of calories taken in the whole day and calories used showed they actually had more net calories. So, to lose weight, it’s still better to exercise than sit on the couch.

A 2002 study found that fit menopausal women only had 25 percent body fat compared to sedentary menopausal women who had 38 percent body fat.

You burn more total fat calories during vigorous workouts compared to lower intensity exercise. As long as you control what and how much you eat after workouts, you will still be a winner in the weight-loss game. So if you enjoy vigorous exercise, go ahead.

Less body fat

A 1990 study on 1,366 women and 1,257 men suggested that those who did high-intensity exercise tended to have less body fat than those who did lower-intensity workouts.

For those who cannot control their appetite, low-intensity, longer duration exercise may be more appropriate.

Appetite is temporarily suppressed immediately after exercise but ravenous hunger can occur one to two hours later. Take advantage of that small “window of opportunity.” Eat a small snack within 30 minutes after working out if you are not ready for a main meal.

The snack should be about 100-150 calories and should contain protein and carbohydrates, like a glass of milk. The protein helps to suppress appetite while carbohydrates help restore glycogen (a stored form of carbohydrates in the muscles) used during workout.

Do not exercise hungry because you will be very hungry afterwards. For example, if you exercise at 5 p.m. and the last meal you ate was lunch, don’t be surprised if you lose control of your appetite at dinner.
Watch out for psychological hunger. It’s that attitude that says, “I deserve to eat as much as I want because I had a hard workout.” You are probably not burning as many calories as you think.

In a 2004 University of Alabama study, normal-weight women overestimated the amount of physical activity they did in one day (formal exercise plus activities of daily living) by 600 calories. Overweight women overestimated it by 900 calories.

Temperature

Aside from gender, appetite after exercise is also affected by temperature.

Scientists have long suspected that swimming in cold water increases the appetite compared to jogging or cycling that makes one feel hot and sweaty afterwards. Some studies have also found that swimming is not as effective for weight loss as land-based exercise.

Jaci Van Heest, exercise physiologist of the United States Swimming Association, says although elite swimmers and runners burn about the same amount of calories while training, top swimmers have three to five percent more body fat than top runners.

Researchers at the University of Florida have confirmed that there is indeed a connection between cold-water exercise and appetite.

They compared the energy used and calories consumed after riding a stationary bike submerged in cold water (68°F) and warm water (91.4°F).

Participants burned 517 calories in cold water then consumed 877 calories. When they exercised in warm water, they burned 505 calories then consumed 608 calories.

That’s why scuba diving could open up my appetite like no other activity could.

No guarantee

The message is that exercise does not guarantee weight loss if you will overcompensate for the calories burned. That goes for both men and women. A study last year illustrated that less was sometimes more. Male participants did either one set or three sets of upper body weight lifting exercises for two months. Both groups became 21 percent stronger but the group that lifted only one set had a greater fat loss (19 percent) than the group that did three sets (10 percent).

Calorie overcompensation was the suspected reason.

Solitary confinement

I woke up late today. Mom's gone to school and Kim off to gym. I was sitting here and rereading Da Vinci Code again. I watched the National Geographic regarding the investigation on Swiss Air when it blew up into pieces last 1998. It might seem boring but it's really not.

I was planning to go to our Karate practice but I feel so tired and lazy that I just want to read and not leave the house (occasionally daydreaming for Nov 22) *grin*.


I'm still here.. waiting for them to arrive.

Ninong's Birthday

I said I don't want to move and to leave the house, but it's Ninong's (my godfather and uncle at the same time) bday, my Mom's younger brother. We were told to go there before 6pm for the Mass. My Mom being so makulit told me to get my butt of the chair, stop reading HP5, and dress myself up for the night, which I did after a lot of persuading.

Being the Head priest in one of the biggest and oldest Church in the district, the celebration was quite big, with the other priests co-celebrating the Mass with him, a grand march to the altar with the Knight of Columbus in their majestic uniforms, and with politicians and actors for guests.

It was heartwarming to see his parishioners celebrate and wish him long and blessed life. They had prepared a program for him which on first part, we, his family went to the stage, and other old ladies who were praying for him. His fellow priests in the Church performed twice which I wasn't able to watch only the last one. The Parish groups prepared too. Some of them danced, some sang, some had this gloved hand with blue light performance, and some had acted on a drama.

There were of course overflowing of food, and guests from his former parishes. I stayed at Papa's room most of the time, though, to rest my aching feet due to my high-heeled sandals and to watch TV too.

I visited the covered court again (were the program was being held), to check other performers and had this pic of ours before we went home. He's really my favorite uncle!

PMS

I was having a little mood swing yesterday morning. My breasts are tender, I crave for things... I don't want to move at all even if it's just to find my charger and charge my phone. I don't want to be seen even in webcam when my Ham and I chatted. I feel so fat and ugly, that eventhough Ham assured me it's fine with him no matter how I look like, my disgust won over.

It's bad that I haven't had my period up until now since July. It sounded fine to me back in College for I do not have to buy napkins monthly and no fuss at all, with changing, and the uncomfy feeling of something stuck in your undies.

That perception changed when I'm already this old, you know, the reproductive age. I really want to have kids in the future, so it would be wiser to prepare my reproductive system this early.

I had a check up before I turned 18 regarding my irregular period, but the Gynecologist told me it's still normal considering my age and my usual activities at school and in Karate. I think I really have a higher level of testosterone than with my estrogen.

I must get back to the clinic and have it check though, and I'm wait for it's arrival...

Unit exam

Ok, tomorrow we will have unit exam on RLE. This time it's about Comfort, Pain, Rest, and Sleep. Goodluck kae, ala ka pa nare-review...

Also to my friend here in blogspot boy okoy.. and my girlfriends Empot, Melaipot, and Xands.

Yehey, Lizzie will be returning in Metro next sem! Saya saya!

Relieving the tired body

Aargh... Hamkin's bro saw my pic in his display image.

Here's my first reaction: "What?! and it's not even my best pic!" I asked him how did it happen. He told me that he put it there so that his HS friend could see his gf.

Second reaction? .... "Awww.... love nya ako talaga..". Then Hamkin told me his plan of introducing me formally to his siblings first on December. If I'm already ready, then we'll see his parents. I believe the latter would take time.

Then for my third reaction... "Nginig nginig... kaba kaba"

Mom for a day

Yep, I was a mom-fo-a-day for Geri today. She had her field trip and needed someone to go with her. We went to St. Peter's Church in Commonwealth, La Mesa Dam Eco Park in Fairview, and Storyland in SM Fairview. The kids obviously enjoyed the Storyland more than the park. Geri's remark bout the park being dirty because of the sight of soil made me laugh. Kids in their generation really grew up in Mall for a leisure walk and not the park where we, then-kids used to visit.

This trip was a new experience. It was the first time (i think) thatI had to look for other people and I guess first attempt to become a truly responsible adult.

I guess I did fine for the job.

Choco Ham

I'm guilty for finishing a Hazelnut Chocolat Goutier Delicieux. I'll burn this later in our Karate practice.^____^

I love Chocolates aside from Ham. Chocolate is like Ham. It's sweet and sometimes bitter. It's plain or nutty. It comes in different packages, but I get the same satisfaction. It makes me happy and alive. It helps me to think especially while reviewing for an exam. It makes me fat and energetic to burn the fat. It makes me crave for more... and more... and more.

I want more.

I am not an Accident

Two years ago I've purchased a book called The Purpose Driven Life. I know it's a good book so I gave it to friends as well without fully reading it myself.

Last month, a friend of mine who was having a birthday gave me and another friend this book, plastic covered and in bigger version than my old one. The fact that it was given to me (with a dedication), I felt obligated to read and fully appreciate the gift. Thank God, I didn't made a mistake.

I have a lot of issues with myself. People who are close to me knows and could see the real me. I am insecure with my physical and intellectual capacity. I don't like my 5'2" height. I don't like my square chubby face. I don't like not being able to be on top of the class. I don't like not having much money to level up with the family of my beau.

I know that some of those are lame. The first two, I cannot do anything about but the last two may change and I am hopeful. Then, I read the day 2 of the Purpose Driven Life, and it talks about God creating me like this. Here's a poem by Russell Kelfer to give u an insight of the chapter:

You are who you are for a reason.

You're part of an intricate plan.

You're precious and perfect unique design,

Called God's special woman or man.

You look like you look for a reason.

Our God made no mistake.

He knit you together within the womb,

You're just what he wanted to make.

The parents you had were the ones He chose,

And no matter how you may feel,

They were custom-designed with God's plan in mind,

And they bear the Master's seal.

No, that trauma you faced was not easy.

And God wept that it hurt you so;

But it was allowed to shape your heart

So that into His likeness you'd grow.

You are who you are for a reason,

You've been formed by the Master's rod.

You are who you are, beloved,

Because there is a God!

I know it wouldn't be long, until I fully appreciate Kae who's completely and uniquely created by God. ^__^

Analogia site

I came across this site called Analogia. Through this link you would see your look alike in Hollywood. Check it out.. http://www.play-analogia.com/cgi-bin/index/u/

I tried it myself, and according to the site I look like: 1. Katie Price 2. Anna K. of the Tennis world and 3. Toni Braxton.

Gestation period

Just wondering... how will i look like if i got pregnant?

Mai and I went to Gateway this afternoon to visit her preggy friend, Ven. Aside from the fact that she misses her, she wanted to invite her on her bday party this friday.

Ven still looks pretty, but her tummy is bigger and lower compared to last time. She complained bout having big nose, darker nape and axilla, slower pace in walking, and having discharges which are the common effects of having a baby. These are just the physical effects. There are also emotional effects of pregnancy (she's a single parent)... that is.. being sensitive and depress most of the time. Hormonal imbalance or not... I guess it's just right to cheer and comfort her, that everything will be alright. Financially, it's a major problem. Normal delivery would take around 10,000php without doc's fee, and CS would amount to 40,000php. Of course, there's also the monthly check up of the baby.

I have a cousin who already have a son at such a young age, and i know how hard it is. Sure the baby looks really cute, but financially, i know they're having a hard time coping up.

Imagine: I won't be able to buy myself a cute blouse at the boutique, spend my allowance for a venti mocha frap, go out with my friends for a gimmick, or to even go for a summer trip (and a lot more) if that happens... tsk..tsk.. that's hard.

So eventhough i sometimes look so envious with those who have kids at this age... I realized that I'm still not ready for that experience, not yet...

And with the question of how I would look like being pregnant... though a minor concern... I think I would look really terrible...

Judy Anne and Ryan

waah! i think i'm already a fan of juday and ryan! ang jologs pero heto't kinikilig ako sa kakatapos lang na story na ginawa nila sa Maalaala... They look good together!

A single text

I received a text this afternoon after the chat and my smile won't fade until now...

Ber month coming soon

See how fast days gone by? We're already nearing the "Ber" month! It's always exciting to think about the Yuletide season especially if you're waiting for somebody or for something to happen...

In my case, I am excited for the arrival of Hamkin. After a year of just chat, text, and phonecalls, I can't wait to see him in flesh again. Aside from that, my relatives from Germany, Canada, and London will be here for the Season, and I'm sooo excited to see them all (aside from the pasalubongs, of course,hehe). The gatherings will be fun fun fun! I will be documenting it by capturing those moments from my cam. I am not that good in gettng the right angles but I am working on it.

Meanwhile, I need to stay in shape in preparation for the festivities. By that, I need to lose more inches, to make room for the calories i would gain for the festivities. I need to get good grades and please my parents, so I could make a request on my bday. Lastly, to enhance myself on becoming a true "lady".
=============================

Happy Birthday Mai on the 10th! Love u friend! Mwah!

Hamkin

April once said that if I have a desire to improve my writing skill, I should start writing for others to read and comment on. I, then started signing up for an LJ which I still keep up to now together with my blogspot. I consider my blogs as the outlet of how I feel that particular day. It is my journal. A remembrance for the day.


---------------------------------------

Ham is feeling sick lately, too bad I’m not in Sydney to take care of him. The last time he got sick was last December when he was here in Manila. We were scheduled to go to Tagaytay, and he really pushed himself for that to happen. He spent the day lying on the bed, sometimes sleeping, sometimes watching DVDs he bought in Greenhills. I assumed the nurse role, and pushed him to obey *wink*.

----------------------------------------

I miss you Ham!

All in a day

8.30am. Kae went to Sony to remit the payment. She was wearing her nursing uniform. Not bad after all, for she was hesitant to wear it there at first. She looks cute daw and young?! She’s still young naman tlaga (mukha lang hindi… *sigh*). She was greeted by her former officemates including the Japanese officer and was offered a home office job, which she refused. She will be busy the next sem on her new field, and she wants to focus on that.

1030am. Off she went to G4. Saw that a lot of people were mobbing Kamiseta. Got curious and entered the shop. Had fun looking at the clothes since all of it can be bought half its original price. Bought the small, tan, knitted, sleeveless top with laces on the neck and arm line for just 225php. Not bad.

1130am. Was already rushing back to Metro for her 1pm class.

130pm. Answered her quiz. Good thing she knew the food guide pyramid (5 out of 15, yahoo!).

3.00pm. A fire broke out on the 9f. Students were asked to go down using the stairs. They were in 12f. No smoke nor flames were seen from below. Fire trucks and students lined the road. Announcement was made that students are already allowed to go home.

330pm. Too early for our protagonist to retire. Kae and her friends decided to try worlds of fun at Sm san lazaro. They played shots on basketball, one of their faves, before singing at the videoke booth. They sang 10 songs, mostly came from MYMP album *tsk tsk.. fanatic*. And for the remaining tokens they had, spent it on bball again. Kae is a loser on that game. She needs to practice well in preparation for the arrival of her hamkin.

530pm. Already hungry, the group chose Tokyo Tokyo to eat their dinner. Em and Kae had a beef misono sumo meal with sumo red iced tea. Melai and Xands shared on the pork tonkatsu sumo meal, while Jaiv, without a sumo partner, settled for a teriyaki.

630pm. Watched the videos shot by Melai from her CP and transferred it to Jaivs’ laptop.

730pm. Kae got home safely. Tried the blouse she bought, and realized it’s still big for her frame. Gave it to her mom instead.

9.00pm. Kae chatted with her loving boyfriend, Ham.

1130pm. Sipping hot milk and posting this.

I'm not a gimikera

DISCLAIMER: This blog consists of the detailed account I've had in my gimmicks with friends. It is quite long, and I guarantee that this will be boring after a while.

We went to Arlington to pay last respect to the funeral wake of Liezl's sister. According to the old beliefs, one should make a stop over before going home. And so we did. Melai, Jaivy, and I headed in Malate where there's a lot of bars to choose from. It would be Melai's 3rd time to drink a liquor and a 1st time to be in a busy place like Malate. Jaivy claimed that he doesn't know much about bars (tlaga lang ha?). So, it was me who suggested the bar. I chose Bedrock, since there's a free entrance and a live band playing. We ordered Nachos and 3 SanMig Lights. Still adjusting from the loud noise inside, we commented on how the band plays, and thought that the male vocalist looks like our "bi" classmate, attractive and beautiful. The second band on the other hand looks like a group of midgets (according to jaivs). In fairness, they performed better than the other one. I got home around 1.30am.

It was a great night with my girlfriends!

Saturday night, and I was "alone" at home. Mommy attended the Leadership training they have in Antipolo. Kim on the other hand, was also out and would be home in the morning. I have the place all by myself! I felt exhilarated! And then, Mai texted me, said she and Grace would eat dinner at Jollibee near our place. I went there to meet them and eat my 2nd dinner. As I was eating my burger, they informed me that we will be heading to Ospital ng Maynila, where my soon-to-be-a-doctor friend, and whom I blind dated for Mai was staying for residency. Grace and I were teasing Mai to Kawheng. They're so right for each other,hehe. They have this bubbly,witty personality, and the energy to talk even when they are really tired. Grace said that it's good for Mai and believed that Kawheng "tamed" Mai! haha! That was the same term she used, that Ham also "tamed" me. A wild tiger! But that word won't apply to Grace's case. We're still waiting for the time when Grace would become "wild" and lose some of her inhibitions...
Anyway, we were there to give Kawheng's Wendy's meal, Mai's treat. Number 1 meal, upsized. That's how sweet Mai is. We weren't there for long, and since I need to use the loo for a leak, we headed straight to Bluewave (sossiness and everything). The drive going there was awesome. The three of us in Mai's car, windows down,and just letting the wind flirt with our hair, singing loud n'sync with songs in the radio... aahh... the freedom, and the realization that we're old enough to do those trippings. It was... great!
We had frap in Starbuck's, Choco Cream (Venti) on both of them, and Mocha (also venti) for me, Mai's treat for being regularized in a big Insurance company. She also ordered Oreo cheesecake which made Grace gag. It was her "day-off" from her regimen and all she had intaked got mixed up that moment. We reminisced what we have done during our Galera trip, and I was guilty for not "documenting" it. My short term memory won over and I forgot the details of what we've done. Fortunately, Mai had this little notebook where I wrote the details of our detailed activities.

Our Galera activities:

June 3

As we were on board the ferry, I got a look at the brochure of where we will stay, The Big Apple Hotel in Sabang. We were heading to White Beach. So clearly, it was a mistake. We asked the local people on how to reach our hotel, and were a bit dismayed when we realized we had to take another boat ride or tricycle to reach the place. We chose the tricycle ride. It was a 30-minute noisy and smoke-belching ride. Luckily, they were in the mood to take that ride as part of the adventure. As we arrived in Sabang, we immediately noticed that most of the tourists were foreigners, unlike in White Beach. On our way to our hotel we passed lots of strip bar, which explain the amount of foreigners in the area.
The room that was initially indicated in "Grace's won prize" was not available so they changed it to room no. 1. Luckily it was big, with 2 queen sized beds, nice bathroom, TV with cable and with AC. We had lunch in an expensive fastfood and made "What are friends for" (tama ba Grace?) as our theme song for the day. As soon as we were in the room, we unpacked our things, wore our swim suits for the day and had a pictorial...hehe. Some of the pictures can be seen in my friendster photos.
We toured the place, and saw that Sabang is really a diving spot. The beach is rocky, with lots of seaweeds, not really pleasing to the sight and smell. But anyway we walked the stretch and found a nicer spot with finer sand. Three dogs were playing as we were walking in front of "Mabuhay Resort", which frightened Grace. 3 small dogs playing, take note. We posed and took our pictures, talked, and lie down on the sand. A great way to feel and commune with nature.


June 4

Our second day was the highlighted part of our trip. We hired a boat to tour us on different islands except White Beach due to the incoming storm, and huge waves on that part. We snorkled on Coral Garden and floated for 20 min along with other tourist who also can't go near White Beach. The water was crystal clear, and the sun was just right. It wasn't that glaring so Mai and I enjoyed floating. Grace was more comfortable in the boat though.
Back in Sabang, we changed outfits and rode the jeep and tricycle going to White Beach. We had lunch there, shopped for pasalubongs, and spent the night in one of the bar on the beach. We met Trisha, Jamie, and Cielo, who were all gays. They run the bar, and it was nice talking to these beautiful gays. We had Mindoro Sling on pitcher and let Grace drink for the first time. She got tipsy right away, and I followed suit.
During the tricycle ride back to our hotel, Mai let us sit inside. The road was lined with trees without street lamps. It was dark, with only the waves we could hear from the distance, the roar of the tricycle's engine, and just our voices to embrace ourselves from the cold wisp of air. Mai confessed on talking to the driver just to ward off the frightened feeling she had on our way. Grace and I were also talking to pass the time. She told me how she misses her family, and also the first time I saw her cry.
Suddenly she said "tumawa ka" (laugh), over the noise created by the tricycle. She even mentioned about how her aunt fell from the tricycle because she didn't laugh. Shocked with what she said, I just did what she told me to do, knowing that Grace knew a lot of superstitions which wouldn't harm if I'll do in a strange place like that. After a while, she asked me, what's funny. Confused on that question, I told her that she asked me to laugh, so I did. She started laughing, and explained that she actually said "humawak ka" (hold), since there were lots of curves on the way. Her aunt fell because she didn't hold on to the bars. It was embarassing and refreshing at the same time. It was a combined drama and comedy. We then let Grace sleep on the bed and sneaked to the bar. Mai and I continued drinking at the Big Apple bar. It was a bit frightening because there were lots of foreigners with hookers on their side. Anyway, Mai and I reviewed our past love lives especially her past relationship with Papadoc and Dian. We drank Mudslide and San Mig light. I was feeling light headed but continued still, as I was waiting for Mai to give up and tell me that she's drank. But Mai wanted another drink, and so I ordered too. Bailey's for her, and Monkey's brain for me. I got really drank and had a hard time walking straight towards our room. Grace was awake and told us she vomit, and made her feel better. Alcohol won't affect Mai, and she was confused. I on the other hand, was wasted. Mai showered first. It was the time I cried hard, telling Grace about my "Personal legends", and telling her that I feel that I cannot be as successful like them. I tend to cry when I'm drank.

June 5

We woke up early and headed straight to White Beach. We had our breakfast and bought tickets for our ride home. As we were waiting for our 11am boat, Mai and I sun bathed for a while, and shopped for a bit more. The waves were big, and the boat was rocking hard, making Mai's head hurt, and contributed to my hang over. But with God's guidance we were able to reached the land without accident. The bus ride was uneventful except for the noisy foreigner who kept on asking her Filipina companion on petty things. A stop over at Chowking was made before Grace and I hailed the taxi and Mai went to Pandacan terminal.
The trip was great and I am looking forward for another one.


It's past 5 in the morning... need to sleep a bit. Mass at 8am.

Lessons learned

1. Presence of mind

I was running late for the Karate practice (as usual). I rode the LRT and luckily it was almost empty. I could choose where I want to sit. I chose the one near the door. People poured in as we moved to the next station, and almost easily, the train was full. I was listening to my Ipod and singing with Juris of MYMP (on my mind) and getting comfortable in my sit. Juris sang Especially for you, and since it was my LSS or Last song syndrome, I keep on singing (again on my mind).

Especially for you

Especially for you
I wanna let you know what I was going through
All the time we were apart I thought of you
You were in my heart
My love never changed
I still feel the same

Especially for you
I wanna tell you I was feeling that way too
And If dreams were wings, you know
I would have flown to you
To be where you are
No matter how far
And now that I'm next to you

No more dreaming about tomorrow
Forget the loneliness and the sorrow
I've got to say
It's all because of you

And now we're back together, together
I wanna show you my heart is oh so true
And all the love I have is
Especially for you

Especially for you
I wanna tell you, you mean all the world to me
How I'm certain that our love was meant to be
You changed my life
You showed me the way
And now that I'm next to you

During this part, the train stop. I looked at the sign, and to my astonishment it's already UN station! I had the great urge to push all the people in front of me and get off the train before the door would close. But that would take consume most of my energy since I've got a big bag for my kimono versus thick crowd. To my resignation, I continued listening to the song.

I've waited long enough to find you
I wanna put all the hurt behind you
And I wanna bring out all the love inside you, oh and
Now we're back together, together
I wanna show you my heart is oh so true
And all the love I have is
Especially for you

You were in my heart
My love never changed
And now that I'm next to you
No more dreaming about tomorrow
Forget the loneliness and the sorrow
I've got to say
It's all because of you

I got off the next station, Pedro Gil, and took the jeepney back to UN. Luckily, I wasn't late for the practice.




2. Practice makes perfect whatever...

I was the last one to arrive at the dojo, not late, but they were about to start on the drills. Anyway I joined in the exercises, and was really glad of the different techniques we used to stretch the different muscles. Ready for the Karate, we moved on to our kihon and kata. I really suck on this part. My instructor told me that all of what I did was wrong, turning my face red. I haven't practiced for a long while and it sure shows with my movement *blush*. I am purple 5 for more than a year now, and the instructor asked when will I move on to the next level. Since the next exam would be on August and September, I have to be really prepared since there will be a prerequisite for that exam. I need to participate on the August tournament *shivers*. I dreaded tournaments, and now that Ai, my Karate partner, wouldn't be able to practice Karate because of her schedule, I dreaded tournaments all the more *sigh*.

I still have a month to practice and prepare and it's up to me on how I am going to prepare for the event. Karate in Unilever is only on Tuesdays and Thursdays, perfect for my schedule in school. But that practice isn't enough for me to regain my usual agility for a kumite (spar). I need to do extra practices, probably jogging for stamina, and techniques for smoother execution in kumite. One month... help! If ever somebody's reading this... wanna practice too? *pathetic*

Pondering about death

My DVD in the pc won't work. I opened my VCD player, it worked... but I don't know where's the jack in connecting the player to the TV. Nothing interesting in Cable either. My internet connection continues to disconnect so I can't chat with Ham peacefully. My lunch was blunt! I had the urge to eat anything sweet... but I controlled myself... 'twas really hard. I brushed my teeth instead.

To keep my cool, I opened Itunes and turned the volume high. I txted Sensei and told him I'm coming to the dojo later for a practice. I updated the status of my client's policy. I told Ate Mi to include a friend in the Mass intention.

My friend's Ate was given a "deadline" that she could only last until this week. It is painful for the patient, but more painful with the people she would be leaving behind...

I do a lot of things just to pass the time but I have a short term memory. I can't tell you the exact date of what I did last week. I could get emotionally hurt, but forget it after a while. I could easily move on. Short term memory or just doing small things to alleviate the pain? maybe, but it works for me.

What if I die sooner than expected? How long will the people remember me? And how much of my memories I wanted the people to keep?

A friend once asked me if I'm ready to die. I told him yes.
Would it still be my answer if Death is ryt in front of me? *shrug*

Boxing and footspa

Aaah.. after boxing at my uncle's house, punching, kicking, and lifting weights at the same time, this footspa massage is very relieving despite the tinge of pain in my scraped dorsum pedis from kicking at the punching bag . Mom offered to massage my feet....awww.. m soo touched (I love u mommy!).

I promised myself to take care of my health from now on since I heard the problem of my friend. I'll cut down my consumption of chocolates and sweets, less consumption of rice, and I'll drink more water. I will box and try to go back in Karate every Tuesdays and Thursdays. Whew! It would be very hard but I would try my very best.

Numb

I'm afraid I am not a career person, I blurted out during breakfast. My Mom, as usual, has gone berserk and was pointing out how my Dad is working hard for us to get a good education, our "luho", blah blah...And that we owe it to our Dad who chose to be away for us to live comfortably. She mentioned about how in-a-way disappointed she was when I studied again after graduating from my 1st degree. I cannot reiterate what she had said. My conscience is gnawing at my insides, for I know that I should have been working right now and not depending on them for allowance, for school, for movies and gimmick...

Lately I have been feeling lazy in studying for my lone subject this sem. I missed one meeting just so I could attend Neil Gaiman's book signing (but I don't regret this) and failed 2 short quizzes. I'm a bad bad student, and this should be stopped.

My younger cousin, Geri, is looking up on me. She dresses up like me, choosing green instead of pink as her fave color, posing on cam like me, and acts like me. Her mom, Ate Mi, even encourages me to in-a-way influence her more, and I feel that I am not worthy of that kind of appreciation.. If only they knew how much pressure they are putting on me. I have to be the ideal role model for my cousin. I mean I like Geri a lot. Even if she's just 10 years old, I love talking to her, I love bringing her on Starbucks, I love knowing things about her. She's an intelligent kid and I want her to be what she wanted to be. I have made mistakes before and I don't know if I won't be able to commit more...

I'm afraid of what the future will bring... I'm afraid of my weaknesses...

I love Neil Gaiman!

I was so exhausted, but happy last night. I actually fell asleep in front of the pc while chatting with Hamkin. It had been a very long tiring day. I went straight in Gateway after my 9am class, so happy thinking I am early for the 430pm book signing, not wanting to be cut off just like what happened on Sunday in Greenhills. I was number 133 in line. Open mouthed as I was looking at my number, I still felt lucky for getting the number, and waited patiently. It was the first time I felt so rewarded after being patient. It was a sweet sweet reward.

Moving on, and moving on the line, I felt that I couldn't anymore attend my 1-4pm class since I had to return in line before 3pm for the confirmation of our slot and stub. I told my self to be ready for the consequence of missing my RLE and missing a quiz, and after that forget about school today.Yep, and so I changed from my school uniform to my casual clothes of black top and jeans and waited patiently in line together with a friend, Nick, whom I met on Sunday in Greenhills, and other friends Karen (editor), Sherwin (writer), and JB (artist) all from Knowledge Channel. Cool isn't it? That's one good advantage of the long line. We were huddled on our place talking and laughing. It was a good experience to meet people like them. Later on, we also met Jason Ferrer, who looks familiar, and turned out to be a professor in La Salle, with his sister Carmille who works for NGO. Interesting mix of people I might say.

Around 6pm our line was finally moving and nearing the Fully Booked entrance. We were so excited and smile won't leave our faces. We started taking pix of Neil as we went nearer, and somehow, we felt so sad because the end of our adventure was coming to an end. Our goal of finally meeting Neil was going to be realized. And then, it was our time...

I was only allowed to sign 1 book since I don't have a book stub which you could get buy purchasing Gaiman's book on Fully Booked. But thanks to JB, he passed his book stub on my hand, secretly so I could have 2 of my books, the Endless nights and Coraline signed. ^_______^ Fully booked organizers were there to get our pix taken from our camera. The girl told me to not ask Neil to pose for our shot but just lean on him and smile on cam and if I get lucky, Neil might smile too. He did smile for our shot and I was ecstatic! My head was leaning on his head and it felt so good. I'm sooo ectatic until now. ^_________^

i'm sleepy now

I just got home from a gimik with mai. She drove me home coz she wants to sleep the whole day today instead of me sleeping in her room. Anyway, it's fine with me. I wanted to sleep in my room too.

After classes, around 7pm yesterday, I went to Pao's birthday celebration at Gerry's grill in Malate. I was wearing skirt since it's the most convenient apparel to pack in my school bag. Lucky me, Jaivs drove me to the venue. I dined with Pao, Jay and our colleagues in BDO. It was fun to meet my co-wworkers again. I had to hitch with Jay's car going to Vito Cruz since I'll be meeting Mai at Starbucks. I stayed there alone while waiting for mai's car since Pao and Jay will watch Fantastic four at Eastwood. I ordered mocha frap, sipping it and first tried to concentrate on our next topic on LEcture Health Care...can;t concentrate so I just played Solitaire on my Ipaq for a half and an hour.

Anyway, Mai and I went to Blue wave first to fetch her co-workers who were stranded there. Had to drive her to co-workers in their home, one in Monumento, and one in Sta mesa, before we were able to locate a good place to stay.We chose Common ground in Malate. According to her officemate, they saw a lot of smooching going around,and we got curious. We paid 250 for entrance plus 3 local drinks and seek for the adventure.As I entered the place, I can't help but feel anxious for no reason at all. Music was loud as usual, dim light and flashing light, enough to make one giddy.As we were there dancing on the dance floor, we both know that we;re not really enjoying it, and was wondering why we even think of going in there. I told Mai that even though we don't really enjoy dancing now, unlike before, we should just appreciate the things our eyes would set eyes on... like the couple on the dance floor who were hugging and smooching on the dance floor or those couples on the corner making miracles.. hehe. Not wanting to be so tsismosa, we just went back to our corner, drank some liquor and then went home.We're getting old for all these bar gimiks...

After the demo

I wasn't blogging much last month (the case with my LJ), I guess because I was too busy with the start of class. I only have one subject, but sometimes it can be really "toxic". I would give you an example, on our RLE or the Related Learning Experience, I instantly accumulated 2 failed short quizzes during the first 2 meetings...damn.. I am not used to that scenerio. I was too ashamed of myself. Hmmp! And so when we had our Return Demonstration for vital signs, I really took it seriously. Since my partner and I are among those who were part of the last batch for the demo, it was a big relief when our names are called (like being able to poop after controlling it for the longest time, as what Jaivs thought). I instantly introduced myself to the CI and started the procedure even if my insides were gnawing with nervousness, my knees wanting to buckle down, and that I wanted to throw up. I didn't wait for the others to start, because if I did, my fear would take control of me. While I was taking Joyce's pulse rate, I had a hard time palpating for her radial pulse since I could only feel the throbbing of my own pulse... Thank God we survived the first demo, we'll just prepare for another one or two coming.

During the period since return demo started, Liezl, my friend who's really good in cooking, was thinking of transfering to Fatima... and then she truly did. She chose to be there because it would shorten her nursing year down to 2 years instead of 3. She was inviting us, and since most of us are second courser, we really wanted to finish it asap. Em, Daddy yo, and moi had our transcript evaluated last Tuesday even if we had to pay 220 for that. But then, it wouldn't work for us, or for them for that matter. For daddy yo, a lot of minor subjects wouldn't be credited since his first degree was aeronautical engineering 10 yrs ago, and I think it's the same with Em. She would be forced to take lots of subject too. I on the other hand, could be arranged to make it like Liezl's but knowing that most of the subjects to be condensed in the sem might not work eventually, since there would be no guarantee that NCM 1 and 2 could be taken at the same time, I too agreed to stay in Metro.

Metro, believe it or not, has become like a 2nd home for me. I am now accustomed with the distance from my house, and I could go there in just 10 minutes if I have to. I'm comfortable with my classmates. I love my friends, and I love the aircon... ^_____^ and besides 3 years isn't that long if I could make myself productive, don't you think *wink wink*

Now the problem is here... how do I make myself productive? I wanted to study survival course in German, but that needs money (and I don't have). I wanted to play drums or violin, so that I could play at least one musical instrument, but that also needs money. Pfff.. wala na, I would just be in the house waiting for the days to pass.. pathetic.

Mas pathetic yung caller ng brother ko. Imagine, that girl would call everyday, morning or evening just so she could talk to Kim. She made up stories, and is soo maarte whenever I talk to her, would want to wake up my bro even if he's really sleeping, and event told kim thru text that I was mataray?! I don't like her. What's worst is that she can't feel that Kim is avoiding her... tsk tsk tsk. My bro is a womanizer and sometimes he would have two girlfriends at the same time.. like now. He has 2. In fact he left tonight, and according to him he would first drop by on the the 1st girl, who lives on the same vicinity as with the 2nd gf, then later on fetch the 2nd girl on her dorm. But in fairness to my bro, he's a serious boyfriend once he really "stand" in love. But still, I pray that I won't be soo addicted to a guy like the caller,and that I won't be fooled by a guy like the other 2. Haay naku tlaga!

July one

Until now, I haven't performed the return demonstration for vital signs yet. With a pace like a snail, 4 pairs a meeting, and still half of the class to perform, guess how long we're going to do this. Lucky are those who were already finished with the task. I admit that I was relieved when I was not called during the first meeting, but I am not that happy when I wasn't called today. Imagine the amount of nervousness I feel whenever our CI would call the pairs to perform. It's a pain to wait. It's a pain not knowing what I would get for the demo.
My day was spent eating, most of the time... no wonder I get bigger every day. In the morning, I ate at Seattle's then snack at McDo. I am guilty of spending a lot. But then again, I'm spending it for my basic need... food. *____*

I badly need a work out!

During our Lecture class, we were asked to discuss civil-political rights including the right to remain silent, right to freedom of expression, etc.through a role play. We were given an hour to discuss a plan. From a simple clash of a rich Chinese guy with a jeepney driver it soon developed into a tragic love story that resulted to homicide that was passed on the court. The play was a hodge podge of ideas from Ely, Liezl, Elaine, and moi. We tried to make it a musical play as suggested by Narduel by injecting songs like "Wag dyan wag dyan, may kiliti ako dyan, wag dyan" performed by Jaiv while being tortured by the police portrayed by Oli and other classmate. The sequence was not smooth and the lines weren't written for the actors, but it turned out good. I admit that our group did well on that activity, thanks to Jaiv, Oli, and the others who made that play a musical comedy, worth watching.
Our class ended at 7pm. Good thing Jaiv has a car and brought us Elaine, Sandy, Melai, and moi in our home safe as we sing along with Juris in her song "Tell me where it hurts".
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Today is my friend Aileen's birthday! Happy happy birthday pangga! Love u! Mwah!

An update

A lot of things happened since i post the Operation tule. For one, I've set up the friend who invited me there to meet my HS friend. I know they'll jive since they've got the same personality. I was glad when after that "date" they are still comfy with each other.

Aside from that, classes start once again. I only got one 7-unit subject this sem and MWF class. cool ba? nah! nakakatamad sobra. Anyway, since i don't have a class on Tuesday, my classmate friends went to Tavern and watched MYMP. Astig talaga! I really like Juris. She's really a good singer and cute too.. nah.. she's pretty! "____"

Then I took my only subject easily... mali! It's not that easy pala. I've failed the first 2 quizzes... Sh*&$... so i need to be serious now. We already bought stethoscope and sphygmomanometer. I need to practice taking BP and other vital signs for our Wednesday demo. Whew!!! My pulse rate would surely rise on wed. Goodluck sa amin!!!!

OPERATION TULE

I had the chance to witness a minor surgery even if I’m just starting out with nursing. The reason? I was invited by my friend who is a med student at PLM to “assist” in circumcising kids at barangay San Andres.

As we were walking towards the site together with two doctors, some of the kids who were in line, bantered that they would like to be circumcised by me?! It was funny. I was mistaken to be one of the “operating doctors”. ^___^

Even the setting of the operation added color to the operation. The “operating room” was situated between two streets. The “walls” were blankets tied to poles, which give trifle privacy to kids who were circumcised. Inside were just tables, set side by side and on it were the boys lying and being operated with doctors and student doctors. Imagine my shock when I first entered. I was greeted a sight of a lil boy’s member smeared with blood and with tools hanging on it. I really forced myself to go on, observe the process and really pushed the embarrassment of seeing different kinds of penis. And to remember that day, I was allowed to take a picture of the operation.


I don’t know if circumcision will be part of my job description in the near future, but that experience helped me to gain knowledge in operating processes and the culture that go with it.
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As I went home around 2pm my cousin Geri asked me to help her in “cooking” the recipe written in K-zone.

Happy ending

I’m quite distracted right now. My younger cousins are here playing at 1030 in the evening and my mom’s talking on the phone with certain seriousness and concerned voice on a certain matter. I don’t really intend to eavesdrop but I think the problem is about womanizing.

Anyways, it’s a good intro to what I was feeling last night. I was in Baywalk with two of my best girlfriends, Ai and Mai, for dinner. Ai and I had a little chitchat about her adventure in Sagada as we walked along, took pictures of the bay, and dined before she went back to her dorm to get ready for office. Mai and I continued the dinner and just spend the night talking on a more quiet place on the bay.

We talked of mostly our love lives, the problems we encountered in the past and the lessons we learned from it, and the future we see ourselves in. Another topic was addressed and it’s about my Dad. I haven’t seen him for nearly 13 years but we have constant communication thru phone.

A hypothetical question was raised. “Paano kung may kapatid ka pala sa labas?” Mai asked. “Papapasukin ko” I said. It’s a joke, of course we’ll accept them as our siblings, kung meron nga. Mom, Kim, and I already talked about that possibility. Kim and I were ok about that. Dad is a good father and a good provider. But that night, there was a tinged of ache as I think more deeply of that possibility.

I stayed overnight at Mai’s place. We didn’t sleep until the wee hours. We watched “The little black book” on DVD. Though I got more suspicious about men and their past I got to understand the importance to have open communications with your partner and to still give privacy to each other. I think about my boyfriend. I was a trifle wary for signs of that demeanor but I have faith in him.

I believe what my Dad told us and I would try to understand if the hypothetical question comes to life. Things might happen beyond our control, despite the plans we already instilled on our mind. Sometimes we just have to go on with the flow and believe that the next scene in our life is the one meant for us. And believe… believe in happy ending.